... A Sour Apple Tree

Your source for fast and/or frozen food reviews, Huntington and/or West Virginia commentary, rasslin' (not wrestling) nostalgia, bad parody, dumb satire, rejected slogans, pointless lists, unreliable sports predictions, and funny local pictures.

Location: Huntington, WV, United States

I'm a 37 year-old guy from Huntington, WV.

Sunday, May 20, 2007

A smug sense of self-satisfaction.

After a hard day of yard work (basically doing stuff that the landlord was supposed to, but wasn't going to) on Saturday, we were too tired to cook dinner. Since I was also too pooped to drive outside of Huntington city limits to eat, the missus, Baby Butthead, and I all hopped in the car and cruised on over to the Applebees on 3rd Ave. to get our grub on (BTW: aren't the "for rent" signs on the Emmons and Emmons Jr. buildings too creepy for words?).

In addition to being too tired to cook, we were too tired to think, so we both got that Tyler Florence bruschetta burger (muy tasty and soon-to-be gone from the menu, according to the manager, so get it now!) that the TV commercials told us to try ("when in doubt, let TV do the thinking"---Aristotle).

While obliterating our burgers, we noticed a young couple dressed in a manner that suggested that they were going to a prom. A nosey waiter asked them where they were from and they mention a high school in Mason County (a beautiful rural county about 45 minutes northeast of Huntington on WV 2). You could also tell by the two extra menus on the table that they would soon be joined by some fellow travellers.

Well, as we later discussed, my wife and I both independently (much like the development of civilization in a simultaneous and independent manner in the cultural hearth valleys of Asia and north Africa) had the same first reaction: "you drive your prom date for damn near an hour to the big city (compared to anywhere in Mason, Moneyton is freakin' Paris) and you take her to bloody Applebees?"

Another sign of the boy's total ineptitude: he turned down an appetizer. Wrong answer, dipshit. She didn't buy a beautiful dress and spend three hours making herself look as nice as she ever will in her life so you could cheap out on mozzarella sticks.

So, as we watched them wait for the other couple, we noticed that she was growing increasingly uncomfortable. We speculated that it was his friend, not hers, who was holding up the shindig.

I quietly told our waiter to bring them an order of the new cheesy bread dip thing that I had glanced at on the menu and put it on our check. We would have paid for her whole meal, but we are a few years away from being able to afford such acts of generosity.

A few minutes after the long-awaited friends arrived (a doofus and a flawless blonde airhead), the appetizer arrived. The blonde turned down the food in a manner that came across as at least 70% bitchy towards the girl.

These two girls were not friends, and the likable one was going to have to put up with her Mean Girls BS all night, in addition to her dorky boyfriend and his oxygen-stealin' pal.

Well, it was time to get Baby Butthead off to bed, so we had to leave before we could watch any of the drama unfold. But we left with three things: some garlic parmesan fries, a smug sense of self-satisfaction that at least one nice thing would happen tonight (thanks to us), and a sincere hope that doofy wouldn't get any action that night.

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Blogger JDB said...

Speaking of unfolding drama in a chain restaurant - one Sunday during the middle of an autocross, my brother, then-girlfriend, and I popped into a Wendy's for some quick lunch. The place was packed, so we sat at the tables in the middle of the place that were, maybe, 2 feet apart. After we sat down beside this youngish couple, the dude started to break up with her. In a Wendy's. I guess that was his version of "take her someplace nice and she won't make a scene." :-)

Sunday, May 20, 2007  
Blogger Chris James said...

Well, Wendy's is Spagos of the fast food burger world.

Monday, May 21, 2007  
Blogger Spike Nesmith said...

"and a sincere hope that doofy wouldn't get any action that night."

Are you kidding? Chicks dig jerks! He'll have had more action that one night than I had in all of my 20s.

Wednesday, May 23, 2007  

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