... A Sour Apple Tree

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Location: Huntington, WV, United States

I'm a 37 year-old guy from Huntington, WV.

Wednesday, July 11, 2007

Lamest. Swag. Ever.

Every know and then, media outlets get a little too big for their britches and start hawking crap that no one in their right mind would ever want. Here are some of the dumbest offerings:

  • WSAZ ringtones. Now, every time your kid calls for permission to get her tounge pierced, you can let the entire Tri State region know which TV news outlet you half-ass pay attention to while eating dinner.

  • The Nina Totin' Bag. Have you ever thought to yourself "I love NPR legal analyst Nina Totenberg soooo much I want to use her likeness to cary junk around?" Sure you haven't! The fact that it is sold out makes me almost sorta understand why the GOP has a bug up its arse about trial lawyers.

  • Anderson Cooper Ladies Heart T-shirt. Now you can let the world know which dreamy TV anchor would get your panties a-droppin'. I, personally, am holding out for the officially-licensed Nancy Grace Weenie Roaster/Nut Cracker.

  • The Dominion Post. This isn't about any specific jakey item. Nope. Access to the website itself requires a paid subscription. Hey, Raese, 1999 called and wants its failed business model back.

  • Fox News Channel Doggie Bandana. I'm gonna get this one for my Swiss Mountain-Feist mix as she, like some FNC viewers, is irrationally terrified of black people.

  • WVHotDogs Store. Actually, please shop here. Stanton still owes me $50 from our over-under bet on Gerald Ford last year. Dec. 26: close, but no cigar, Stanton.

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Blogger Spike Nesmith said...

Oh sure, ladies may very well (heart) Anderson Cooper. But does he (heart) them back...?

Thursday, July 12, 2007  
Blogger All Click said...

Excellent! Now I can hear those chiming WSAZ bells everytime someone calls me. People will say "Oh, is the news on?" and I'll giggle and say "No man, it's my phone!". Sweet.

Thursday, July 12, 2007  
Blogger muzeuterpe1 said...

Hey -- see if you can find me some Shepard Smith bloomers!

MMMMMMMMmmmmmmmmmm! [pant, pant]

Thursday, July 12, 2007  
Blogger Chris James said...

Spike: Whattya sayin'? Anderson is as straight as John Goodman, Cuba Gooding, Jr., and Stedman Graham.

Allclick: I'm holding out for the Jessica Ralston screensaver where she does that little added emphasis head turn thing.

Muze: No luck, but for a pint of some of that whiskey, I can photoshop his head onto Rocco Siffredi's body.

Thursday, July 12, 2007  
Blogger Elvis Drinkmo said...

No shit. I used to read the Dominion Post online all the time- until they started charging something ridculous like $20 a month to read it. I can't really remember- but $5 a month is too much.

Christ, do they think they're the New York Times or something?

Tuesday, July 17, 2007  
Anonymous J. Keeling said...

I believe The Dominion Post is now the only daily in West Virginia that charges for access to its online content. Elvis, I used to read the DP online as well, but no more.

So there are two less online readers, and I expect many others have decided to read the free online news offered by other West Virginia papers such as The Herald-Dispatch, The Register-Herald, The Charleston Gazette, and The Charleston Daily Mail. Advertisers pay for the infrastructure on those sites, and I guarantee they each have significantly more online readers than The Dominion Post.

This reiterates Chris' point: "1999 called and wants its failed business model back." Hilarious.

Thursday, July 26, 2007  

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