...ASAT's fake Emmy ballot: lead cast
James Gandolfini for playing Tony Soprano on The Sopranos
Hugh Laurie for playing Gregory House on House
Denis Leary for playing Tommy Gavin on Rescue Me
James Spader for playing Alan Shore on Boston Legal
Kiefer Sutherland for playing Jack Bauer on 24
I'd vote for Leary if I could be assured that the award would go posthumously to Bill Hicks. Since it won't, I'll go with Laurie for his roll outstanding performance as the *insert over-used adjective of Dr. House* American doctor.
Outstanding Lead Actor in a Comedy Series
Alec Baldwin for playing Jack Donaghy on 30 Rock
Steve Carell for playing Michael Scott on The Office
Ricky Gervais for playing Andy Millman on Extras
Tony Shalhoub for playing Adrian Monk on Monk
Charlie Sheen for playing Charlie Harper on Two and a Half Men
The guys from South Park aren't far off: Baldwin is possibly the greatest actor in the world. Jack Donaghy is my favorite sitcom character of the aughts and I hope more folks check out Thursday's best-kept secret next season.
Outstanding Lead Actress in a Drama Series
Patricia Arquette for playing Alison Dubois on Medium
Minnie Driver for playing Dahlia Malloy on The Riches
Edie Falco for playing Carmela Soprano on The Sopranos
Sally Field for playing Nora Walker on Brothers & Sisters
Mariska Hargitay for playing Olivia Benson on Law & Order: Special Victims Unit
Kyra Sedgwick for playing Brenda Leigh Johnson on The Closer
Field needs another award like JFK needed that parade, Arquette isn't even my favorite hawt TV psychic (that's be Jennifer Love Hewitt), Sedgwick has always rubbed me the wrong way, and Falco & Driver are only so-so. That leaves Hargitay as the bad-ass, perv busting cop with equal parts 'tude and heart.
Outstanding Lead Actress in a Comedy Series
America Ferrera for playing Betty Suarez on Ugly Betty
Tina Fey for playing Liz Lemon on 30 Rock
Felicity Huffman for playing Lynette Scavo on Desperate Housewives
Julia Louis-Dreyfus for playing Christine Campbell on The New Adventures of Old Christine
Mary-Louise Parker for playing Nancy Botwin on Weeds
Even though I am not a fan of some of these shows, I'd have to say that this might be the most talented lot of nominees in any of the best lead categories. I'm gonna give the nod to Fey, though, for taking the total self-deprecating route in her own show. God, I hope 30 Rock has at least an 8 year run.
Outstanding Individual Performance in a Variety or Music Program
Tony Bennett for Tony Bennett: An American Classic
Stephen Colbert for The Colbert Report
Ellen DeGeneres for 79th Annual Academy Awards
David Letterman for Late Show With David Letterman
Jon Stewart for The Daily Show with Jon Stewart
I know, I know, the hip choice would be Colbert or Stewart. But what can I say, DeGeneres on the Oscars was the single best award show hosting that I've ever seen.