... A Sour Apple Tree

Your source for fast and/or frozen food reviews, Huntington and/or West Virginia commentary, rasslin' (not wrestling) nostalgia, bad parody, dumb satire, rejected slogans, pointless lists, unreliable sports predictions, and funny local pictures.

Name:
Location: Huntington, WV, United States

I'm a 37 year-old guy from Huntington, WV.

Thursday, November 29, 2007

LO-F'N-L

OK, I'm probably the last person to see this, but just in case I'm not, you gotta check out this fake commercial for door locks. I haven't laughed this hard at something on youtube LisaNova's Keira Knightley/Pirates of the Carribean skits.



(Warning: mildly NWPS and contains gross-out humor)

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...ASAT week 13 NFL picks

I kicked ass for the second time in a row in week 12, going 13-3 for a season total of 115-61. This week:

Green Bay at Dallas
Atlanta at St. Louis
Buffalo at Washington
Detroit at Minnesota
Houston at Tennessee
Jacksonville at Indianapolis

N.Y. Jets at Miami
San Diego at Kansas City
Seattle at Philadelphia
San Francisco at Carolina
Cleveland at Arizona
Denver at Oakland
N.Y. Giants at Chicago
Tampa Bay at New Orleans
Cincinnati at Pittsburgh
New England at Baltimore

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Tuesday, November 27, 2007

Curry in a hurry

Jonesin' some curry but too lazy/too poor/too far away to go to an Indian restaurant? Well, here is a quick, easy, and healthy recipe that you can make at home in just a few minutes.

Ingredients:
1/2 pound (about 1.5 cans) of canned tuna (canned chicken, lentils, cooked ground beef, or any other protein can also be used)
12 oz of tomato sauce
1-2 cloves of garlic
1/2 yellow cooking onion
1-2 dried red peppers (chiles japonese), chopped
olive oil (or your favorite cooking oil)
curry powder
garam masala
kosher salt
prepared rice

1) Chop the half onion and heat the oil on medium-high heat in a small skillet. When the oil is hot, add the onion and stir occasionally while cooking
2) About halfway through cooking the onion, press or chop the garlic cloves and add to the fryin' pan.
3) As the onion and garlic cooks, add the curry powder, garam masala, and chilies to taste. It may take a couple of tries to get this right, but you will not screw it up too bad regardless of how much you use. Err on the side of under-seasoning, as more can be added later.
4) As the onions become translucent and the garlic browns, add the drained tuna and allow it to brown a bit.
5) Add the tomato sauce and mix well. Turn down heat to simmer, add kosher salt, and taste periodically to adjust salt and seasoning.
6) When the mixture is fairly thick, remove from heat and mix with rice. Serve in a bowl.

You can add lots of stuff to this recipe or remove the pepper and it'll still taste pretty good. It actually tastes better if left in the fridge overnight before mixing with the rice, as it allows the spices to be better absorbed by the tuna. It also freezes well.

Serve with a light lager, gewurztraminer, or iced tea.

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Sunday, November 25, 2007

Beaujolais

I've been diggin' Georges Deboeuf's Beajoulais-villages and Beajoulais nouveau wines lately. For those unfamiliar with the style, it is a rather light and unpretentious French red wine that goes well with any number for meats, cheeses, and pasta and, unlike other table wines like Chianti, is great to drink all by its little self. The wine can be enjoyed by non-drinkers, casual drinkers, and some wine connoisseurs (but not all, I'll get to that in a sec).

Best of all, however, is the price. I've never paid more than $10 for a bottle, which is great for us upper lower middle sorts. Granted, as is the case with most things that are inexpensive and, dare I say, actually taste good, some snobs will turn their noses up at the stuff, calling it things like "cheap populist swill" and whatnot. Since these are exactly the sort of douchebags who convinced me to pursue a career in neither business management nor academia, that just doubles my fun.

Mind you, not all of the wine crowd feels this way. My Godfather is one of the most knowledgeable folks in terms of all-things-vino in Charleston and he regularly gives cases of this stuff as Xmas gifts. So, yes, you can indeed be hip, tasteful, and frugal and still enjoy decent wine.

So drink, I say. Drink to your health. Drink to your tongue. Drink to your pocketbook. Drink Beaujolais.

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Saturday, November 24, 2007

Her Majesty's Loyal Losers

In honor of some of Mrs. Mountbatten's subject who have had a really craptastic week, the English national soccer team and soon-to-be former Australian PM John Howard, here is a lil' pick-me-up:




(congratulations to Croatia and that ear wax eater)

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Wednesday, November 21, 2007

It takes a pretty big sign...

...to kiss this much butt.

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...ASAT week 12 NFL picks

I got my groove back last week and went 12-4, bringing the 2007 total to 102-58. Here's my week 12 picks:


Packers at Lions
Jets at Cowboys
Colts at Falcons
Bills at Jaguars
Texans at Browns

Vikings at Giants
Saints at Panthers
Raiders at Chiefs
Seahawks at Rams

Titans at Bengals
Redskins at Buccaneers
Ravens at Chargers
Broncos at Bears

49ers at Cardinals
Eagles at Patriots
Dolphins at Steelers

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Tuesday, November 20, 2007

Death Match: West Virginia Public Broadcasting vs. WOUB

A few months ago, I noted that Ohio University's WOUB is a much better public radio station than West Virginia Public Broadcasting. Well, a week or two back, an employee of WVPB asked why I felt that way. I've been thinking for a bit on how to answer that question (and if I even really agree with my previous assessment) and have decided to pit the two networks against each other in a "death match." In other words, I'll compare and contrast them in a few different categories from the perspective and bias of an over-educated, under-paid 20-something guy in Huntington and see who comes out on top based on overall aggregate scoring.

Category 1: Drive-time Programming

For the most part, the two networks play the same stuff during the morning and evening rush hour, as they both run "Morning Edition" in the AM and "All Things Considered" in the PM. There are, however, some variations with which we can compare the two. In the morning, WVPB runs a show called "West Virginia Morning" over some segments of "Morning Edition." This program is usually anchored by Beth Vorhees and is a mix of news headlines and in-depth features from around the state. WOUB, on the other hand, has local anchor Chris Riddle reading headlines for stories of interest in the Tri-State area, including political news from Columbus, Charleston, and Frankfort. As for the evening programs, they are essentially the same, other than WVPB switching to PRI's "The World" at 6 PM while WOUB has another hour of "ATC."

I give the drive-time nod to WVPB, as Beth Vorhees is the best anchorperson to be found in West Virginia on radio or television. Chris Riddle is a fine newsreader, but that is about all they offer other than a segment called "Family Health" (that being said, I do dial in WOUB whenever a WVPB story gets long and boring). I also like the fact that they switch to "The World" at 6 rather than subject the audience to another hour of "ATC" repeats.

WVPB 1, WOUB 0

Category 2: Daytime Programming

While the morning and evening rush hour on the stations are rather similar, their programming between 9 AM and 4 PM couldn't be any more different (well, maybe if one of them played death metal, but you know what I mean). WOUB has a talk radio format with "The Diane Rehm Show" and "Talk of the Nation," among others, while WV Public Radio stations air music shows featuring classical, baroque, opera, etc.

While I know that classical music radio stations are considered by some to be an endangered treasure and I suppose that I am grateful that such an option is available to me, I have to go with WOUB's daytime talk format. I'd rather hear intelligent speech while I'm at work than some music that I barely understand (the music programs in my public school system sucked balls unless you wanted to be in a marching band). Plus, the middle-of-the-road talk format can be used to drown out and refute the office Dittoheads and EdHeads.

WVPB 1, WOUB 1

Category 3: Feature Reporting

This one ain't even close. While WOUB tends to send student reporting scurrying about to cover the usual crap, WVPB has the two of the three (along with the AP's Lawrence Messina) best field journalists/interviewers in the state in Anna Sale and Scott Finn. Sale is fearless and thorough in her investigative pieces on topics relevant to many West Virginians such as mountaintop removal and inadequate care for WV's elderly population. Finn has the most finely-tuned bullshit detector of anyone this side of Tim Russert and has busted the balls of everyone from RFK, Jr. to Russell Sobel to Chuck E. Cheese.

WVPB 2, WOUB 1

Category 4: Headline News

Okay, this one I will admit is totally subjective, but I would for the most part rather listen to WOUB's review of new stories than those given by WVPB. WOUB covers a portion of southeastern Ohio, western West Virginia, and northeastern Kentucky, usually known as the Tri-State, that is a functional and cohesive culture region while WVPB has to cover the entire state, which is an oddly-drawn collection of microcultures smushed together with a common governor, legislature, and little else. Therefore, from WOUB I get news from nearby places like Athens, Ashland, Portsmouth, Ironton, and (my hometown) Huntington. You know, the cities about which I actually give a rat's ass. Come to think of it, WOUB might give even more attention to Huntington than our own state's public radio news, but that would require hours of research by a communications grad student to prove conclusively. WVPB, on the other hand, is regularly telling me stories about zoning problems in the Eastern Panhandle and Morgantown and urban decline in Wheeling. Don't get me wrong, I understand that, as cities bound under a common political regime, what happens in one of those places does indeed have an impact on Huntington and Cabell County. Put, when push comes to shove, I really do care more about what happens to folks in nearby cities that I visit regularly, even if they are in another state, than the events taking place 5 hours away in locations that I will likely never visit. I understand WVPB has to do what it has to do and that they aren't the only news outlet who thinks that the world ends at Virginia Point Park (I'm looking at you, WOWK). But, yea, I gotta do what I gotta do, too.

WVPB 2, WOUB 2

Category 5: Local Entertainment And Documentary Shows

When it comes to great local programming, I would imagine that it is hard to beat WOUB in the small-to-midsized market category. WOUB brings its listeners kick-ass music shows like "Crossing Boundaries," "D 28 + 5 Bluegrass," "Live From Jorma Kaukonen's Fur Peace Ranch," and "Hornpipe and Fugue." WVPB isn't too shabby when taken by itself, with "Mountain Stage" getting national syndication and some cool shows hosted by Jim Lange. However, those programs, "Inside Appalachia," and a BORING show about old people are all they can really throw up against the WOUB juggernaut. The gang in Athens takes this one handily.

WVPB 2, WOUB 3

Category 6: Pledge Drives

WVPB makes you feel a little bit less like a goddamn thief for listening to their station without pledging some cashish than WOUB does during their pledge drives. But only a by little, so they only get a half of a point.

WVPB 2.5 , WOUB 3

Category 7: The Internet

If this was a couple of months ago, I would have just said "next" and given the point to WOUB but, as one of ...ASAT's readers pointed out, WVPB now has streaming audio. That alone goes a long way in improving my opinion of WV Public Radio. That being said, the web presence of WOUB is still light years ahead of WVPB's. WOUB's url is easier to navigate, gives better detail about programing, and the streaming audio is more reliable than that of WVPB (which is prone to skitching out every 10 seconds). Hopefully this will change soon, as WVPB will have to rely on the 'net to reach the many mountain towns not serviced by a broadcast affiliate.


Final Score:

WVPB 2.5, WOUB 4

Well, it does indeed appear that I consider WOUB to be a better public radio network than WV Public Broadcasting, but not by "much," as I had previously stated. Furthermore, the margin of victory falls within the realm of the subjective, as a 45 year-old classical music lover who grew up in Martinsburg and went to WVU could easily score this as 4.5 to 2 for WVPB. But with that being said, the radio of this and many other Huntingtonians will be set to 89.1 a good bit more than on 89.9.
.

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Monday, November 19, 2007

Rand University

For those of you wondering what the hell Randy Moss is talking about when he says that his alma mater is "Rand University," Rand, West Virginia is his hometown. Although he went to Marshall University, he was treated as something of a toy/plaything by the wealthy white patrons of the school and you would always see racist comments written on bathroom walls and commons area benches during his two years at the school (my freshman year there was his last season before going pro). Granted, they did give him a shot when no one else would, but it was more out of desire to win one more I-AA championship and then to look good during the school's return to the MAC and I-A football than to give a local guy a break.

For what it is worth, he was polite the couple of times that I interacted with him on campus and was, according to some friends, a gracious winner (remember, he could have played in the NBA if he had so chosen) after pickup basketball games.

My guess is that it his way of saying that he went to the "school of hard knocks," so to speak.

So, yea, if I had gotten that sort of shit from Marshall, I'd be making a smartass comment, too.

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My wife thought that I was being racist...

The other day we were shopping in the Christmas section of Target and, while my wife was looking at some tablecloths, I loudly proclaimed "oooh, chocolate Santa! I likes the chocolate."

Thinking, I guess, that I was referring to a dark-skinned Santa statuette/doll, she turned to scold me for saying such things at all, much less in public.

But, alas, it was indeed a chocolate Santa, proving that I am not a racist, just hungry.


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Friday, November 16, 2007

...ASAT week 11 NFL picks

Last week I seriously screwed the pooch and went a dismal 6-8. For the season, I stand at 90-54. Here are my week 11 picks:

Giants at Lions
Chargers at Jaguars
Browns at Ravens
Buccaneers at Falcons
Raiders at Vikings
Chiefs at Colts
Dolphins at Eagles
Cardinals at Bengals

Saints at Texans
Panthers at Packers
Steelers at Jets
Rams at 49ers
Bears at Seahawks

Redskins at Cowboys
Patriots at Bills

Titans at Broncos

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Thursday, November 15, 2007

...ASAT welcomes three great sites to the blogroll

I recently added three new (well, two aren't so new, but new to me) blogs to the blogroll:

All three are in-state blogs that are updated regularly and offer an insightful mix of humor and subversive or understated or outright social commentary. All three have become must-reads for me and I'm sure y'all will love them, too.

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Wednesday, November 14, 2007

...ASAT turns 1

Well, today is the anniversary of the first crappy post on ...A Sour Apple Tree. There will be neither punch nor pie, but check back later for a post I'm quite proud of and hope you will enjoy.

Thanks for making ...ASAT a mild success. I couldn't have done it without y'all.

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Tuesday, November 13, 2007

It's like the dumpster...

...behind which all the cool kids smoke.


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Monday, November 12, 2007

Scenes from a park.

It being a perfect Fall Sunday yesterday, I took a long walk around Ritter Park and, Sweet Jesus, I wish that I had brought along my camera. There was so much to see:

A woman was walking her dog. No biggie, right? Well, when she suspected that it was time for her dog to take a dump, she unleashed poochie, walked about 20 yards ahead, and pretended like she didn't know what was goin' on. Mind you, this was next to one of those dispensers for dog shit bags and she very easily could have picked up the crap and thrown it away. It probably didn't help matters that she was wearing designer clothes and had what was likely an expensive haircut. Just for that display of bourgeois ass-holedness, I'm going to vote for one less Republican next November (sorry, Kim Wolfe). Please, folks, don't let your dog do his business on the circular path. There are people walking and running there who really don't need it on their shoes.

Oh yeah, running. It ain't for me and this was especially apparent yesterday. First of all, they always seem to be in pain. Terrible pain. And they are stringy. Those of us of Anglo-Celtic extraction should generally look like rugby players, even when in shape, and not skeletons with extra-large tendons. Ew. Oh, and they run you over. Just 'cause I'm going slower, I should move? Bite me. From now on, I'm hunkerin' down. I've got ten pounds on most of them and a low center of gravity. I'm gonna win. Oh, and one more thing: why are you in such a damn hurry? Walking is sooo relaxing and it gives you time to reflect and ponder on life, the universe, and everything.

So a'walkin' I a'went. I treked down the creek-side trail to the Peace Arch to pay my respects on Veterans Day. Remember, Veterans Day was originally Armistice Day, in honor of the end to the Great War (they didn't know there'd be a sequel) on November 11, 1918. Furthermore, the Peace Arch was constructed in memory of Cabell County's WWI war dead, so it just made sense to pause and reflect for a moment, especially since I had walked that far, anyway. I sat silently for a bit, then walked to the plaque on the arch and whispered "thank you." Granted, all they really died for was so that Germany could have a feeble democracy that would set the stage for the rise of Fascism, but it wasn't there faults; that buck should be passed to Lloyd George, Clemenceau, and reparations. RIP fellahs, we haven't forgotten.

Speaking the trail, now is the time to see Autumn at its most spectacular along the path. The pre-solstice sun is hitting the fiery leaves at just such and angle to make them glow like a bad Thomas Kincaid painting. While it makes for tacky artwork, it sure works as urban scenery.

During my two mile walk from the park to the arch and back, I probably drank 30 ounces of water so, needless to say, I was anxious to get to the picnic shelter to return some of that water to the custody of the City of Huntington but, when I finally made it to the WC, I made a terrible discovery. They've already closed the bathrooms by the playground for winter. Funny, it was 60 outside yesterday and sure didn't feel like winter. I was tempted to find out who made that decision and go piss in there lawn, but I was able to hold it 'til I got to a friend's house who lives a block from the park.

After doing another lap around the park, I ran up the stairs across the footbridge and cut through the rose garden on my way to Gobbler's Knob. There I received some dirty looks from folks attending a fancy dinner thingy at the club house. There goes my other Republican vote next year (sorry, Manchin's token opposition, it looks like I'll cast my protest vote for the Mountain Party).

Speaking of Gobbler's Knob, wow, that place has gone to shite. Every bit of bronze and copper has been crowbarred by pillheads, the gazebo is rotting, and the pavement is crumbled. That place needs some serious renovation, pronto.

On my way down from the knob, I saw a college-aged couple hanging out around the amphitheatre. They (or at least he) were (was) blatantly smoking a bowl ( a marijuana pipe if you're square). He was trying to play it all smoove, like he was lighting a cigarette or something. What kind of cigarette do you have to light seven times and hold the flame to its side? Ahh, to be young, stupid, and think that the rest of the world is stupid, too. Good times.

Heading down 8th Street Hill, I had a chance to really take in the Pink Bridge and I think I've said this before, but the Pink Bridge really is nice. Sure beats the Shitty Crumbling Grayish Masonry Bridge that was there before.

Well, it was time to go home, so I hit the streets and avenues. Along the way I was pelted with acorns. Irritating, but a small price to pay for so many large and beautiful trees on the South Side. I bet our air would be a helluvah lot dirtier without them.

Damn, I love that park and the South Side. So much beauty, so much character. I can't wait to walk a few miles there next weekend, too.

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Saturday, November 10, 2007

...ASAT week 10 NFL picks

Last week I was 9-5, bringing my season total to 84-46. This week, I'm pickin':

Vikings at Packers
Broncos at Chiefs
Bills at Dolphins
Eagles at Redskins
Jaguars at Titans

Browns at Steelers
Falcons at Panthers
Rams at Saints
Bengals at Ravens

Bears at Raiders
Lions at Cardinals
Cowboys at Giants
Colts at Chargers
49ers at Seahawks

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Friday, November 09, 2007

10 years on...

Today is the ten year anniversary of the Montreal Screwjob. For those of you who weren't down with late '90s rasslin, here is the deal:

A few years earlier, Bret Hart had signed a 20 year deal with the WWF for a boatload of cash. Well, by 1997, Stanford (location of WWF's headquarters, BTW) was getting its ass kicked by World Championship Wrestling, a Time Warner owned promotion out of Atlanta. In order to save money, WWF owner Vince McMahon suggested that Hart should seek a deal with WCW for more money and he would be released from his contract.

Documents were signed, deals were made, and it was agreed that Hart, then the WWF champion, would leave for Turnerville after the Survivor Series pay-per-view in Montreal. But what should be done with the title? You see, one of the rules of thumb in wrestling is that if a performer leaves, he leaves on his back.

Here we start running into problems. Hart was booked to face Shawn Michaels at the PPV, a man he hated on a personal level and to whom he didn't want to job the title. Over the previous couple of years, Michaels had been allowed to forfeit the title a couple of times rather than put Hart over, for various lame-ass reasons like he "lost his smile." Obviously Hart, a proud Canadian, didn't want to lose to HBK (Michaels' nickname, short for the Heart Break Kid) in his own country (note: there was a big kayfabe US vs. Canada feud in the WWF at the time). Depending on who is telling the story, Hart is said to have offered to drop the title before or during Survivor Series to just about anyone other than Michaels, hand the belt over to McMahon on the next night's Monday Night Raw, or even drop it to Ken Shamrock on Raw. Hart, who had a terrific reputation for putting people when asked, had drawn his line in the sand. Not to Michaels. Not in Montreal.

Supposedly Hart and McMahon agreed to a double disqualification finish for the match and would then turn over the title the next evening and address the fans and his coworkers on live TV in order to leave the company on good terms.

Vinnie Mac, however, had another idea.

McMahon had been burned a couple of years earlier by the WWF women's champ, Alundra Blayze, who showed up on WCW Monday Nitro and dumped the WWF title in the garbage. Now no one has ever accused VKM of not being a little bit paranoid and, despite Hart's word that such an action would not be repeated, Vince decided that he had to get the strap off of Bret that Sunday night, whether Hart was in on it or not.

At Survivor Series, the match between Hart and Michaels started as planned and continued going according to the booked finish. Michaels was supposed to put Hart in the Sharpshooter, the Hitman's signature submission hold, which Hart would reverse. The match would then continue for a bit before wrestlers allied with Hart and Michaels would brawl with each other and eventually lead to the double-DQ. Hart, who had been warned of a double cross by a few of the other wrestlers, trusted referee Earl Hebner and allowed himself to be placed int he move by Michaels while the ref was knocked out. As soon as he was in the move, however, Hebner hopped to his feat while McMahon yelled something along the lines of "ring the fucking bell." The bell was immediately sounded and Michaels' theme music started. Yup, the fix was in. Bret got screwed.

Michaels, despite being involved in the planning, was told to pretend to be disgusted with the outcome and to leave the ringside immediately. This was due to the fact that, in a real altercation a few months earlier, Bret beat the shit out of HBK in a fist fight and it would not look so good for the WWF if their champ was legit walloped on national TV by the guy he supposedly just defeated.

Hart was furious and so were the fans. Hart spat in McMahon's face and trashed several thousand dollars worth of TV monitors at ringside while his fellow countrymen hurled trash at Vince and other WWF employees. His brother Owen and his two brother-in-laws, Davey Boy Smith and Jim Neidhart--fellow WWF wrestlers who were to be involved in the brawl--finally came to calm down Hart. He then left ringside, telling the fans that he loved them and flashing WCW hand gestures.

Now to the backstage: Bret was pissed and the locker room was in near-revolt. Hart first confronted Michaels, who feigned ignorance. Meanwhile, The Undertaker demanded that McMahon apologize to Hart for the screwjob. When Vince went to Bret, Hart cold-cocked him and threatened a similar fate for his lackeys if they didn't leave, too. McMahon would later semi-pacify the rest of the talent by pointing out that he was thinking of the best interests of the WWF and (in a mildly threatening tone) reminding them of their contractual obligations. A few day later, in an interview with Jim Ross, McMahon uttered the infamous phrase: "Vince McMahon didn't screw Bret Hart. Bret Hart screwed Bret Hart."

Bret did indeed go to Atlanta where, despite some title reigns, he never quite achieved the same level of success that he had enjoyed in the WWF. McMahon parlayed the legit heat towards him into the evil "Mr. McMahon" character who would seek to thwart the success of anti-authority faces/tweeners like "Stone Cold" Steve Austin, The Rock, and Mick Foley. Within four years, Owen Hart would be dead after a stupid stunt went wrong and he fell nearly 80 feet onto a turnbuckle, the WWF would win the Monday Night Wars and purchase WCW from AOL Time Warner, and Bret would be forced into retirement after a stiff kick to the head from Bill Goldberg.

In recent years, the relationship between Hart and McMahons has thawed a bit. Hart and the (now) WWE collaborated on a DVD telling the complete story of Hart's career and Hart was inducted into the WWE Hall of Fame. Hart still does not speak to Michaels, however.

If there are two lessons to be learned from this tale, I suppose one would be to always watch your back, even in the company of those you generally trust. The other would be that even the deepest grudges can be settled, as unwillingness to forgive hurts the holder as much as it does the target of the hard feelings.

(Note: Thanks to the Wikipedia article on the event for filling in some of the gaps in my memory)

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Wednesday, November 07, 2007

Rejected state slogans, part 5

South Dakota: "The One Shit-hole We Let The Indians Keep."

Tennessee: "It Might Be Skinny, But It's Really Long."

Texas: "We Invented Hating Mexicans."

Utah: "No, Really, We Haven't Heard That Friggin' Polygamy Joke Before, Asshole."

Vermont: "The Oregon Of The East (In The Crazy Way)."

Virginia: "The State That Likes To Get Really Drunk And Bemoan How We Were Important Until 1865."

Washington: "Good Manners And Politeness Are For Republicans."

West Virginia: "Maybe We Should Be Called West Ia, Because The Other Part Hasn't Been True Since We Were, Like, 13."

Wisconsin: "The Cheese Fuck State."

Wyoming: "The Huge Box State"

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Sunday, November 04, 2007

...ASAT trolls the Mentos

So if you are old enough to have been legally drunk at my wedding, you probably remember those those corny, European-produced Mentos (ie "the fresh maker") commercials that used to air 4 0r 5 times during Beavis and Butthead back in the early-to-mid 90s. Well, thanks to the magic of YouTube and some uploaders who don't throw away their old video tapes, we can all relive the pragmatic epiphanies brought about my America's 3rd favorite mint product.

Wow, I almost forgot that miniskirts were once hip



In this one, we see a woman going to a fancy event who has managed to tear her JC Penny's dress. Don't worry though, folks, 'cause she brought Mentos. She rips the dress into a frayed, un-pleated miniskirt and, despite looking like a hobag with a torn dress, she gets the approval of what seems to be her biggest frenemy and is the belle of the ball.

Gimme that toy boat, you little shit



Does this ever happen to you: you get so drunk on a boat that you forget your car keys when your friends drop you off at the marina? Well, if you have Mentos, you can bogart some kid's toy yacht and drive R/C it out to fetch your keys. Just remember, after you get your keys, don't crash your car into the outhouses as you leave the parking lot.

The Dutch can't park for shit.



In arguably the best of these commercials, we have some douchebag VVD voter squeezing into a parking spot and inadvertently blocking in some woman who popped in for a quick smoke at a coffee shop. Well, he has to get to work and has no time for Stony McHippypants. Thankfully, one Mentos can overcome the fog caused by smoking a spliff of Jack Herer and she wrangles a group of beefcakes. Are they gonna beat the yuppie's ass? No, they move her itty bitty Eurocar in exchange for her "servicing" all of them as soon as their hernias heal.

Foo Fighters: "Big Me"



Of course no retrospective of Mentos commercials would be complete without a mention of this vid from Kurt Cobain's most successful by-product. When it first came out, it was LMFAO funny. Now it just seems a tad bit dated. But, hey, if you aren't old enough to get the joke, it is prolly past your bedtime.

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Friday, November 02, 2007

...ASAT week 9 NFL picks

Last week I went a bad-ass 11-2, bringing my season total to 75-41. Here is what I'm thinkin' for week 9:

Cardinals at Buccaneers
Broncos at Lions

Panthers at Titans
Jaguars at Saints
Chargers at Vikings
49ers at Falcons
Packers at Chiefs
Redskins at Jets
Bengals at Bills
Seahawks at Browns

Texans at Raiders
Patriots at Colts
Cowboys at Eagles

Ravens at Steelers

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