... A Sour Apple Tree

Your source for fast and/or frozen food reviews, Huntington and/or West Virginia commentary, rasslin' (not wrestling) nostalgia, bad parody, dumb satire, rejected slogans, pointless lists, unreliable sports predictions, and funny local pictures.

Name:
Location: Huntington, WV, United States

I'm a 37 year-old guy from Huntington, WV.

Monday, December 31, 2007

Eqwal wights for teh ghey cats


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Saturday, December 29, 2007

...ASAT week 17 NFL picks

Last week: 11-5
Overall: 162-78

Patriots at Giants
Lions at Packers
Bengals at Dolphins
Panthers at Buccaneers
Saints at Bears
49ers at Browns
Jaguars at Texans
Seahawks at Falcons
Bills at Eagles
Steelers at Ravens
Vikings atBroncos
Chargers at Raiders
Cowboys at Redskins
Rams at Cardinals
Chiefs at Jets
Titans at Colts

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Friday, December 28, 2007

Some youtube faves

Macs are teh ghey:



I wonder how this dude celebrated his appearance on "The Price is Right?":



Jamie Lynn Spears keep it:

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Thursday, December 27, 2007

The RichRod Fiasco: Winners and Losers

Winner: University of Michigan. Once again, Michigan has found a great head coach at WVU, which is starting to resemble something of a AAA affiliate of Ann Arbor. It looks like they've found their man to bring home the bacon against OSU and, if he has time, maybe win a Rose Bowl or two.

Winner: Rich Rodriguez's career. As shady as his exit was, his move is seen by folks in 49 states and 6 counties as a bump from a second-tier school in the 6th best conference to a top ten school in arguably the nation's most prestigious league, the Big Ten.

Loser: Rich Rodriguez, the person. Even with his fat paycheck and his Big House, RichRod has got to feel a bit like Philip Nolan right now. My guess is that Thanksgiving will be at his place for a few years instead of in Grant Town. Do keep your eye out of a balding meathead in a Groucho disguise in north-central WV, though.

Winner: Pitt. They limp into Mylar-Pushcart Stadium (or whatever it is called), beat WVU, knock them out of the national championship, run the coach out of town, and send the program, the university, and most of the state into a tailspin. Dave Wannstedt totally bought himself a contract renewal with that one.

Losers: Current WVU football players and employees. What a total kick in the balls. No wonder Oklahoma tried to get the bowls switched: if their own coach doesn't want them, why should the #4 team in the nation?

Winners: A bunch of coaches. First of all, someone is going to end up with the sweetest first-year coaching situation since George Seifert inherited a stacked 49ers team in 1989. Additionally, Jimbo Fisher reminded FSU that he was in fact a hot property and they should do what they can to make him happy until Bobby Bowden retires and Doc Holliday has seen his profile raise from an unknown to a mover-and-shaker on the college scene. Terry Bowden, seemingly the front-runner for the job, has jumped from has-been to red-hot with all of this talk about him becoming the next head coach.

Losers: WVU fans. I'm just not talking about getting stabbed in the back here, folks. That part sucks, but I'm focusing more on the reaction here. WVU fans have acted like this event, and not mountaintop removal or economic stagflation or a bloated state government or political cronyism is the worst thing to ever happen to WV. It isn't. Move on and stop being so sensitive, we've all got a lot of work to do to stop being 49th in everything.

Winners: WVU boosters. Sure, they are coming off as greedy, know-it-all fucks right now, but their butts shall soon be kissed hardcore to ensure that those piles of cash aren't gonna dry up anytime soon.

Winner: Marshall University. Even though our main rivals are and always will be Ohio University, we do love it whenever WVU, as an institution, gets reminded of its true place in the grand scheme of things. That being said, this isn't how we would have wanted it to happen, as no one likes a back-stabbing, so the whole y'all-getting-knocked-down-a-peg thing isn't what makes us a winner here. This is the scenerio I'm thinking: in 2013, after three straight losses to Ohio State and some bad seasons, Michigan shitcans RichRod. Where would the logical choice be for him to rebuild his career and reputation? Yup, the school where he has in-state ties and no ill-will. sure, he'd only stick around for a few years, but anything beats Mark Snyder's bumbling ass.

Loser: Joe Manchin. What happens when your childhood friend and your hand-picked lackeys can't get along? You look like an even bigger jackass, that's what. We've got five more years of this, folks....

Loser: Mike Garrison. They really should have picked a professional with experience as an academic administrator as opposed to some lawyer/flunky from Charleston who is in waaay over his head. Am I the only one who hears a faint "tick-tock" slowly getting louder?

Winner: WVU football in the long term. OK, it seems dark right now, but these past few weeks has gotten WVU more coverage than anything in recent memory, including the Sugar Bowl win. Where the rest of the nation once thought of WVU as a bunch of couch-burning hillbillies who shout obscenities at families with ECU and Pitt shirts on game day, there seems to be some sympathy for the 'eers out there these days. If WVU can have an inspirational winning season next year, this could solidify their spot as a top 20 program.

Uncertain: Ed Pastilong. He fumbled, so to speak, by letting RichRod go. But, if he gets the right coach and succeeds, he can look like the hero of the situation. If not, he can ask Garrison if he, too, hears that damn clock.

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Wednesday, December 26, 2007

Lloyd Bentsen for President, Michael Dukakis for Vice President

With Sunday's passing of former Del. Margaret Leach, I am reminded of her great work as an advocate for Huntington, Marshall University, and the underprivileged while she was in the legislature.

My most lasting memory of Leach, however, was from when, in 1988, she gave a warning of problems to come.

For the 1988 election she was chosen as one of 6 Democratic electors in the event that Michael Dukakis won the vote in West Virginia. Dukakis did indeed win WV, but handily lost the election to George Bush.

As the time came to cast her largely ceremonial vote, Leach started doing some research on the flaws of the electoral college, including the fact that the person who wins the national popular vote is not necessarily going to win the election and the fact that in many states, including WV at the time, electors are not legally obliged to vote for their sworn candidate.

Ever the wise woman, Leach decided to use her vote as a platform to illustrate the absurdness of the system. When casting her ballot, she flipped the ticket, so to speak, and voted for Veep nominee Lloyd Bentsen for President and Dukakis for Vice President.

Well, just a few years later, had it not been for some crafty Jim Crow-esque maneuvering by Ohio Secretary of State Ken Blackwell, we would have had two consecutive elections where the guy with the minority of the popular vote would have won the big enchilada.

Thanks, Del. Leach, for trying to teach us all a lesson. I am sorry that we did not learn the lesson in your lifetime, but hopefully we will, one day, heed your warning and install a presidential election method that makes some cotton-pickin' sense.

RIP

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Tuesday, December 25, 2007

And just who is responsible for the lamest action figure in history?

You guessed it, Frank Stallone.

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Friday, December 21, 2007

The Pilgrimage

In celebration of the Rich Rodriguez's new job in Michigan and Joe Lieberman's endorsement of John McCain for president, they decided to take a trip to the grave of their hero:

Traitor Joe and the gRInCH give the memorial to Benedict Arnold at St. Mary's Church in Battersea, London one thumb up and two smug smirks.

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...ASAT week 16 NFL picks

Last week: 11-5
Season: 151-73

Steelers at Rams *
Cowboys at Panthers
Raiders at Jaguars
Eagles at Saints
Chiefs at Lions
Browns at Bengals
Packers at Bears
Giants at Bills

Texans at Colts
Falcons at Cardinals

Buccaneers at 49ers
Ravens at Seahawks
Dolphins at Patriots
Jets at Titans
Redskins at Vikings
Broncos at Chargers


* I picked the game yesterday on a comment section of this post.

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Thursday, December 20, 2007

Montani nunquam agnosco sarcasmos...

RichRod's new favorite song:



(translation: the joke is on Rodriguez, not y'all)

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Wednesday, December 19, 2007

You can't buy publicity like this...

102.7, a radio station in Charleston, pulled a DJ off of the air for playing the Michigan fight song 4 times. Apparently some WVU fans called to complain and the manager yanked Coach Kidd.

That earned them coverage on SI.com and, more importantly, ...ASAT.

Tomorrow, expect Miller in the Morning to go into great detail about how OU's Halloween party pwns our Nightmare on Elm Street.

Thanks to The Blonde Goddess for the heads-up.

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Bray Cary's plan in action.


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Tuesday, December 18, 2007

Maybe Bray Cary knows something that we don't.

In a commentary posted on West Virginia Media Holdings websites, the company's CEO and strident WVU booster Bray Cary has proposed that Joe Manchin, as representative of (most of) the state, could somehow talk Rich Rodriguez into staying in Morgantown.

I don't know if Cary overheard something at a local Rich White Guy Club or is just blowing the smoke of wishful thinking up our collective ass, but it could be an interesting plot twist if there is any truth at all to the story.

Can he be brought back from Ann Arbor? Would he have any interest turning down a top 15 program for his old job? Were he and Garrison playing each other's bluff?

If so...

Could the fans forgive RichRod? Can he ever really be trusted again? Can Rodriguez look past all of the mean things that have been said about him? On the other hand, does he now see the fans as petty and vindictive? Does he think that the administration are a bunch of overwhelmed flunky tools?

Keep your ear to the ground, folks, this has the makin's of some good ol' fashioned Mountain State drama...

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In lieu of actual television

Since the writers strike has the networks turning to reject shows and reality crap, here are some links to where you can watch some pretty good TV on demand:

NBC - Features recently-aired episodes of some of their shows with some commercial interuptions. The streaming video can get choppy if you are online during the peak hours and have a slower broadband connection. You can also download some episodes to your hard-drive.

CBS - Has a few episodes of almost all of their shows with some commercials.

Fox - Features a few recent episodes of all (I think) of their shows. It has a pretty reliable with an easy-to-use interface.

ABC - Some of ABC's shitty, unwatchable shows are available online, but I haven't checked out the foramt, as I would rather die a thousand deaths than look at any part of Grey's anatomy.

CW - See ABC, 'cept change the joke to "Sophia's bush."

ESPN - ESPN 360 has live coverage of several sports, including NCAA basketball, European soccer, and Latin American baseball. It is only available with some ISPs, although Verizon DSL is one of them.

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Monday, December 17, 2007

Updated Mo-meter

With McCain scoring some big endorsements, Huck & Obama surging, and Romney & Clinton fading, it is time to update the momentum ratings:

GOP: 1) Huckabee 2) McCain 3) Paul 4) Giuliani 5) Romney 6) Thompson 7) Tancredo 8) Hunter 9) Keyes

Dem: 1) Obama 2) Edwards 3) Clinton 4) Biden 5) Richardson 6) Dodd 7) Kucinich 8) Gravel

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Sunday, December 16, 2007

Rich Rodriguez, John Beilein, and Michigan say...


For more info, click here.

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Friday, December 14, 2007

Big mo-in'

With just about 3 weeks left until Iowa, here are is index of candidate momentum. The rankings are developed using ...ASAT's proprietary, semi-arbitrary mo-ssessment formula.

Note: this is not a ranking of polling, predicted finishing, my personal preferences, or anything other than sheer momentum going into the season.

GOP: 1) Huckabee 2) Giuliani 3) Romney 4) Paul 5) Thompson 6) McCain 7) Tancredo 8) Hunter 9) Keyes

Dem: 1) Obama 2) Edwards 3) Clinton 4) Richardson 5) Biden 6) Dodd 7) Kucinich 8) Gravel

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Thursday, December 13, 2007

Succinctly

This graffiti artist/jackass with a Sharpie in Ritter Park doesn't feel the need to bother with individually insulting each state as I have, but has instead chosen to razz them all in one fell swoop.


My guess is that he or she is from DC....

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Wednesday, December 12, 2007

...ASAT week 15 NFL picks

Last week I went 15-1 in my picks. for a season record of 140-68. For week 14:

Broncos at Texans
Bengals at 49ers
Bills at Browns
Ravens at Dolphins
Jets at Patriots
Falcons at Buccaneers
Titans at Chiefs
Packers at Rams
Seahawks at Panthers
Cardinals at Saints
Jaguars at Steelers

Colts at Raiders
Eagles at Cowboys
Lions at Chargers
Redskins at Giants
Bears at Vikings

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Tuesday, December 11, 2007

I kinda wish now that I had knocked someone up 6 years ago...

...cause then I could buy the kid this:

(Ages 5+)

Yup, it is a Darth Vader Transformer that converts into the Death Star. How f'n great is that?

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Monday, December 10, 2007

My NFL Pro Bowl ballot

As is always the case, the fan vote for the 2008 Pro Bowl makes up 1/3 of the electoral college that selects what players will get to hang out in Hawaii and play a football game after the Super Bowl. Here is the ballot that I will be casting a couple of times before voting ends at noon tomorrow (12-11-07):

Quarterback:
AFC - T. Brady (NE), P. Manning (Ind.), D. Anderson (Cle.)
NFC - T. Romo (Dal.), B. Favre (GB), J. Garcia (TB)

Running Back
AFC - L. Tomlinson (SD), W. Parker (Pitt.), J. Addai (Ind.)
NFC - B. Westbrook (Phi.), A. Peterson (Minn.), M. Barber (Dal.)

Wide Receiver
AFC - R. Moss (NE), W. Welker (NE), B. Edwards (Cle.), R. Wayne (Ind.)
NFC - T. Owens (Dal.), L. Fitzgerald (Ari.), T. Holt (StL.), J. Galloway (TB)

Fullback
AFC - L. Neal (SD)
NFC - M. Sellers (Was.)

Tight End
AFC - T. Gonzalez (KC), K. Winslow (Cle.)
NFC - J. Witten (Dal.), C. Cooley (Was.)

Tackle
AFC - M. Light (NE), J. Thomas (Cle.), T. Ugoh (Ind.)
NFC - F. Adams (Dal.), W. Jones (Sea.), J. Brown (NO)

Guards
AFC - L. Mankins (NE), A. Faneca (Pitt.), K. Dielman (SD)
NFC - S. Hutchinson (Minn.), L. Davis (Dal.), S. Andrews (Phil.)

Center
AFC - J. Saturday (Ind.), S. Mahan (Pitt.)
NFC - M. Birk (Minn.), A. Gurode (Dal.)

Defensive End
AFC - J. Allen (KC), R. Mathis (Ind.), K. Vanden Bosch (Tenn.)
NFC - O. Umenyiora (NYG), P. Kerney (Sea.), T. Cole (Phil.)

Defensive Tackle
AFC - A. Haynesworth (Tenn.), A. Okoye (Hou.), C. Hampton (Pitt.)
NFC - D. Dockett (Ari.), P. Williams (Minn.), K. Williams (Minn.)

Outside Linebacker
AFC - M. Vrabel (NE), S. Merriman (SD), J. Harrison (Pitt.)
NFC - D. Ware (Dal.), J. Peterson (Sea.), K. Dansby (Ari.)

Inside Linebacker
AFC - A. Thomas (NE), D. Ryans (Hou.)
NFC - L. Tatupu (Sea.), P. Willis (SF)

Cornerback
AFC - A. Cromartie (SD), A. Samuel (NE), T. McGee (Buf.)
NFC - M. Trufant (Sea.), R. Hood, (Ari), R. Barber (TB)

Strong Safety
AFC - B. Sanders (Ind.)
NFC - R. Williams (Dal.)

Free Safety
AFC - E. Reed (Bal.)
NFC - S. Taylor (Was.)

Kicker
AFC - K. Brown (Hou.)
NFC - J. Hanson (Det.)

Punter
AFC - S. Lechler (Oak)
NFC - A. Lee (SF)

Kick Return Specialist
AFC - J. Cribbs (Cle.)
NFC - D. Hester (Chi.)

Special Teamer
AFC - G. Stills (Bal.)
NFC - B. Ayanbadejo (Chi.)

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Friday, December 07, 2007

...ASAT Food Review: BK's Firecracker TenderCrisp

A few months ago, BK took away my favorite menu item, the Spicy TenderCrisp. Well, to make up for that transgression, they have released a similar sandwich called the Firecracker TenderCrisp. Today is the first day that it was available at my local BK, so I figured that's make a perfect lunch treat. I ordered one, to go, with no tomato, as usual, and passed on fries so that I could focus on the actual sandwich itself.

Well, I can report that not much has changed from the Spicy, but there have been some noticeable improvements. Instead of the punch and run heat of the Spicy TenderCrisp, the burn of the Firecracker is best described as "low and slow." It never overwhelmed, but sticks to the tongue a bit longer than its recent ancestor.


In terms of flavor, Burger King has done some interesting things to ensure that this sam'mich doesn't just rely on cheap heat to make its point. There is a definitely smokiness to the creamy hot sauce, probably from some sort of chipotle seasoning. It really gives it a complexity that is usually lacking in fast food and was most certainly absent from the Spicy TC.


The only real complaint that I have was the skimpiness in which my local BK applied the sauce. That BK has always been known for having employees who erred on the side of being slow, but it doesn't take a rocket surgeon to figure out that that was not enough sauce. My recommendation would be to check the sandwich upon delivery and asking for more sauce if they cheap out on you.


I give it 3.5 out of 5 stars, with the right to bump it to 4 if they hook me up with some adequate sauce-age next time. This should prove to be pretty good timing for BK, as spicy foods taste great during cold weather months and are also some of the only foods that can be enjoyed when one is congested from a cold or the flu.


Good work, BK. You've got a winner.

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New TenderCrisp sandwich from Burger King!

I've been hearing and reading rumors about Burger King offering a new variety of TenderCrisp sandwich for a while called the "Firecracker TenderCrsip." The new sam'mich is supposed to be a spicier variant of the Spicy TenderCrisp that was recently pulled off of the regular menu.

Well, on my way to work today, I passed a BK that was advertising the new "Fire Crisp" sandwich, so I will assume that this is the product in question. Yippee!

I've been rather faithful to my diet lately, so I have a bit of caloric flexibility and will try one soon. When I do, I will, of course, post a review right here.


Update: Here is my review.

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Thursday, December 06, 2007

...ASAT week 14 NFL Picks

10-6 last week, for an overall record of 125-67.

Bears at Redskins
Panthers at Jaguars
Chargers at Titans
Rams at Bengals
Buccaneers at Texans
Dolphins at Bills
Giants at Eagles
Cowboys at Lions
Raiders at Packers
Vikings at 49ers
Cardinals at Seahawks
Browns at Jets
Steelers at Patriots
Chiefs at Broncos

Colts at Ravens
Saints at Falcons

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Saturday, December 01, 2007

Having a son rocks



The funniest Scrubs scene ever....

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