... A Sour Apple Tree

Your source for fast and/or frozen food reviews, Huntington and/or West Virginia commentary, rasslin' (not wrestling) nostalgia, bad parody, dumb satire, rejected slogans, pointless lists, unreliable sports predictions, and funny local pictures.

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Location: Huntington, WV, United States

I'm a 37 year-old guy from Huntington, WV.

Sunday, January 06, 2008

...2007 Appies, part 1

It is again time to give out the Apppies, ...A Sour Apple Tree's own pointless award. Check back over the next few days/weeks for more:

The Randy Moss West Virginia Athlete of the Year: Randy Moss
2007 was a great year for Rand University's only alumnus. He proved to be the missing component to completing what is possibly the greatest NFL team of all time and managed to set the single season TD receiving record in the process. His presence has made a legend out of Tom Brady and gained Wes Welker the recognition he deserves as one of the best possession receivers in the history of the game. He now has a darn good shot at getting a ring on his finger that will grant in enshrinement at Canton when he calls it a career.

The Marie Antoinette Screw the Working Classes Award: The Huntington YMCA
Just to see the inside of the joint you gotta drop a nice chunk of change for an annual membership. Month-by-month memberships? Nope, they don't want the sort of people that that would attract. Sure, most of the six-figure crowd probably think that the membership fee is quite reasonable, but young families with student loans have pesky things like food and $3 gasoline to buy. Speaking of the Y, their members get the Lindsay Lohan Award for Excellence in Motor Vehicle Operation. Guess what, folks, just because you don't live in that area, the basic laws of the road and common courtesy still apply. You do not have the right-of-way just because you are on the phone and those red octagon signs say "stop."

Best Game Show: "Cash Explosion Double Play"
After a hard work week, nothing calms the brain like the inanity of "Cash Explosion," the Ohio Lottery's weekly game show. They replaced it with some lame "Make Me Famous, Make Me Rich" show that flopped, but fortunately they went back to the old format. They game basically consists of winning cash for making random guesses. In other words, Britney Spears could kick Ken Jennings' ass.

Political Rising Star: Brandi Jones.
Even with the success of Pullman Square, it may prove that the greatest contribution to public life of the Felinton administration may be his appointment of Brandi Jones as his consiglieri. I've been impressed with her since she was SGA president at Marshall when I was an undergrad. She was an effective voice for change on City Council and has gone a long way to get the city back on track as finance director. Someday she will be mayor, maybe even governor, and we will all be better for it.

The Tom Hanks Nice Guys Finish First Award: Bill Stewart.
Was he the best choice? Um... Will he succeed? Erm... Will everyone from Key West to Point Roberts be rooting for him? Goddam right.

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4 Comments:

Blogger The Film Geek said...

Brandi Jones sure catches attention of folks watching the politics of Huntington for her leadership skills and competence. I agree, she's gonna go big and the state will be better for it.

Sunday, January 06, 2008  
Blogger Jackie said...

Congratulations Randy! I wonder who's gonna win this next year? :)

YMCA? Forget it. Just like Goodwill these places have started catering to those with the bread to drop $600 like it's nothing.

My advice is to fill two briefcases w/ 30lb chains and walk around downtown. You'll get a workout and people will think you're busy as hell..or something like that.

Sunday, January 06, 2008  
Blogger All Click said...

haha excellent post!

Tuesday, January 08, 2008  
Blogger Buzzardbilly said...

Oooo, I so hope you make a fancy apple award (maybe even bedazzle it) and send it to Randy Moss. He probably doesn't even know he has a sports award named for him. Bet if you sent it to his agent you might even get a picture back of him posing with it.

Excellent post!

Tuesday, January 08, 2008  

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