... A Sour Apple Tree

Your source for fast and/or frozen food reviews, Huntington and/or West Virginia commentary, rasslin' (not wrestling) nostalgia, bad parody, dumb satire, rejected slogans, pointless lists, unreliable sports predictions, and funny local pictures.

Location: Huntington, WV, United States

I'm a 37 year-old guy from Huntington, WV.

Friday, May 30, 2008

Where have I found cicadas?

If you roughly live in the interior Mid-Atlantic or the eastern Midwest, there is a good chance that your area is covered in 17-year magicicadas from Brood XIV.

Note that when I say "covered," I'm not speaking in hyperbole. These buggers are every-freakin'-where.

Here are the ten oddest/funniest/strangest/most annoying places that they've popped up so far:

10. In my locked car
9. Under my feet every time that I walk past one of our city's giant oaks ("crunch, crunch, crunch")
8. Almost completely covering the street side of the house on the western corner of my block
7. In my tarantula's mouth (she can't believe she ate the whole thing)
6. Four of them trapped in my toddler's well-gripped fist
5. In the grasp of a squirrel that is trying to eat as many locusts in 10 minutes as Kobayashi can hot dogs
4. Buzzing into my windshield on the freeway every three minutes
3. On our butterfly bush, but not on that junkwood (sumac?) tree in our back yard that our landlord refuses to chainsaw
2. Half-digested in my dog's poop while cleaning up the back yard
1. The urinal in the men's room at the Ritter Park picnic shelter

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Thursday, May 29, 2008

'lliterative lunch

Beer 'n barbeque bacon beef burger with rosemary roasted reds.

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Wednesday, May 28, 2008

Got Slogans?

If you've come up with some funny slogans for your favorite city/county/state/country, email ...ASAT (asourappletree AT gmail DOT com) with your entry. The best will be published in the near future here (with full credit and links to your blog, of course).


Tuesday, May 27, 2008

...ASAT fake Veep ballot

Imagine, for a seconds, that the major party Vice Presidential candidates were selected based upon the average of semi-impartial (based upon the political savviness of selecting a given candidate being more important than the blogger's personal opinion of the person's policy's) ballots posted on nearly-unread blogs in 6th tier post-industrial cities, a la college football polls.

Well, this would be my ballot:

1) Bill Richardson
2) Hillary Clinton
3) Joe Biden
4) Sam Nunn
5) Jim Webb
6) Ted Strickland
7) Ed Rendell
8) Kathleen Sebelius
9) John Edwards
10) Joe Manchin*


1) Charlie Crist
2) Mark Sanford
3) Tim Pawlenty
4) Joe Lieberman
5) Mitt Romney
6) Condoleeza Rice
7) Rob Portman
8) Bobby Jindal
9) Mike Huckabee
10) Haley Barbour

*This vote may be more influenced by a desire to pawn him off on NASA and the Senate rather than the good of the country.

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Friday, May 23, 2008

Güd muzic fryday

Arcade Fire: Neighborhood #1 (Tunnels) (Live)

Noel Gallagher: Don't Look Back in Anger

REM w/ Bruce Springsteen: Man on the Moon

The Carter Family: Are You Lonesome Tonight?

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Thursday, May 22, 2008

Funny places

Big Bone Lick
Big Ugly
Wanker's Corner

That's all I can think of. Got any more?

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Wednesday, May 21, 2008


Man U 3
Chelsea 2

That said, Go Blues.

Click here to watch.

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Tryin' to make this shoe fit

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Tuesday, May 20, 2008

This commercial actually ran on TV

Here is a commercial that used to run on Huntington cable television:

If the smoke didn't give it away, the big glass bowl (marijuana pipe) reveals that these guys have the munchies, so they call up a local pizza joint to get some late night pie and wings.

Notice that the delivery guy stiffs them on the wingdings. Bastard.

Gotta wonder how the Pike national headquarters would feel about being associated with smokin' o' the herbage.

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Friday, May 16, 2008

Top 10 Wrestlers Who Deserved A World Title Reign

The annals of professional wrestling are littered with tales of horrible booking decisions. This is perhaps nowhere more evident than in an analysis of some of the hacks who have been booked for world title runs in the AWA, NWA, WCW, and WWF/WWE over the years. Names like Ronnie Garvin, Tommy Rich, and David Arquette (yes, that David Arquette) readily come to mind. Meanwhile, guys like Hulk Hogan bogarted the title for years at a time, leaving the other talent to feud over, at best, the Intercontinental Title or, at worst, a stolen bulldog.

...ASAT will now take a look at the ten best wrestler who, for one reason or another, were screwed out of a chance to hold the gold.

Honorable Mention. Andre the Giant: While he technically did have a very short WWF World Title reign, the event involved a fake twin referee, a fast count, and him trying to sell the belt, only to be stripped by President Jack Tunney. He deserved so much more.

10. Abdullah the Butcher: In most wrestling organizations, the Madman from Sudan (well, actually Canada) would arrive, spill a few buckets of blood, and leave, thereby never really having the chance to take one of the recognized world titles during his long career.

9. Greg Valentine: Although a dazed referee once tried to award The Hammer the WWF World Title after he was beaten by then-champion Bob Backlund in 1981 and was on the verge of a title push in the NWA before jumping back to New York in 1983, Valentine never quite made it to the top flight.

8. The Sheik: The Sheik (note: not The Iron Sheik, totally different guys) was the Abraham of hardcore wrestling in the 1960s and 70s, but was too busy running his Detroit promotion (and perhaps too violent) to have a real crack at the Big Gold Belt.

7. Tully Blanchard: If he hadn't failed that piss test, just think of what might have been...

6. The Dynamite Kid: Imagine Chris Benoit at his best, and then multiple that by about 120%. That was just how damn good The Kid was. Unfortunately, he competed in an era where talented light heavyweights were swept aside in favor of charismatic beefcakes. By the time that the booking climate had changed enough for a man of his size to have been given a title run, his body was crippled by drug use and medical problems.

5. Ernie Ladd: The Big Cat was something of a monster heel back in the 1970s but, unfortunately, that was an era when few heels and no African Americans were given world title reigns.

4. Ted DiBiase: Despite finding much success in the Mid South, DiBiase never quite seemed to land the NWA World Title. He was brought into the WWF with the promise of a great angle, and boy, did McMahon & Co. Deliver. The Million Dollar Man character, combined with DiBiase's talent, made for one of the greatest heels of all-time and the template for every evil corporate persona to come.

3. Bad News Brown: Before there was Stone Cold, there was Bad News. Brown, an Olympic medalist in Judo, was the first 'tweener character. He was certainly not a babyface was wasn't above breaking the rules as needed, but he was by no means a cartoon villain like many of the other heels of his day. He was more of a loner than anything, and would attack a fellow baddy as quick as he would go after a good guy. He was a true talent and double tough: Andre the Giant once backed down from him after Brown confronted the big man over his use of the n-word. Unfortunately, the WWF felt that the world wasn't quite ready for a black champion and Brown left the Federation in disgust. It would be a decade before there was a black WWF World Champ.

2. Arn Anderson: Arn Anderson made a helluvah career for himself as Ric Flair's chief lieutenant and top enforcer and, honestly, I doubt that Anderson would change one thing about his career. That being said, it would have been great if his sick ring skills and top-notch ability to shit-talk would have been put to good use for a few months with an Anderson run with the belt.

1. Owen Hart: I can say, without a doubt, that Owen Hart, with the exception of his brother Bret, was the greatest in-ring technician that I have ever seen. His moves were so graceful and coordinated that he made even the clumsiest of opponents seem like a quality worker. If it hadn't been for that goddamn Blue Blazer shit, he would have held the title many, many times in his career. Now, though, all we have is this clip of him beating Bret in a match where the decision was later reversed.

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Thursday, May 15, 2008

Ramp, Bacon, Egg, and Cheese Bagelwich

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Monday, May 12, 2008

Live stream of today's Obama speach in Charleston

WSAZ.com will have live coverage @ 12:15 today.

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Sunday, May 11, 2008

A reach-around

...ASAT gives a big thanks to Bryan Stealey of PictureWestVirginia.com for the shout-out in May 7th's issue of Graffiti in the "Blogging West Virginia" section on page 21.

...A Sour Apple Tree was mentioned along with Rick Lee, Rebecca Burch, and The Backwoods Drifter. I'm humbled to be lumped into such company.

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Friday, May 09, 2008

Best. BBC. Headline. Ever.

Click here to see some great tits.

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Tuesday, May 06, 2008

If taken in an American context...

...this quote by Scottish Labour Party leader Wendy Alexander would be quite shocking:

"If she's convinced she's got a majority, we shouldn't leave it to the fag end of a parliament to get around to testing public opinion."

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Friday, May 02, 2008

For Gordo, Red Ken, and the rest of the Labour gang

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Thursday, May 01, 2008

Broiled Salmon with Ramps

First up, I seasoned a piece of wild-caught Sockeye salmon with salt and pepper. Due to environmental and health concerns, try to stick to wild Pacific salmon if at all possible:

I then selected a healthy adult ramp:

I diced the white bulb area and rubbed it into the flesh. I also used the greens to form a "flavor-seal" of sorts around the edges of the fish:

They were broiled until reaching an internal temp of 145 F (12 mins or so):

And plated with the dried leaves still attached:

The salmon proved to be a prime example of how ramps, when used in moderation, can provide a subtle, rather than overpowering, flavor. The flesh had a garlicy/chivey taste that would be hard to replicate without a ramp. Neither too fishy nor too pungent, this is probably one of my personal culinary bests.

I give it 4.5 out of 5 mesmerized idiot tourists gawking at the fish-tossers at Pike Place Market.

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Scott Finn pwns Joe Manchin

Scott Finn of WV Public Radio has yet again unleashed his BS detector, this time on Gov. Joe Manchin.

My favorite part was when Manchin tried on play on West Virginia' xenophobic side by claiming (in more words) that this was none of Pittsburgh's business.

Click here to listen and here to read.

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