... A Sour Apple Tree

Your source for fast and/or frozen food reviews, Huntington and/or West Virginia commentary, rasslin' (not wrestling) nostalgia, bad parody, dumb satire, rejected slogans, pointless lists, unreliable sports predictions, and funny local pictures.

Location: Huntington, WV, United States

I'm a 37 year-old guy from Huntington, WV.

Thursday, July 31, 2008

What happens to members of Menudo when they get too old?

They turn them into soup.

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Wednesday, July 30, 2008

For Bennigan's.

It looks like the Bennigan's in the Town Center is gone for good. I'll take comfort in the memories of all those monte cristos, buffalo chicken sandwiches, and tater skins.

To show my respects, here are the soulful sounds of Miss Sarah McLachlan:


Update for 8-12-08: Franchisees might buy the closed locations.

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Tuesday, July 29, 2008

Food specialty blog round-up

While ...ASAT is rather random in its coverage of the world around us, other blogs take a highly specialized view of societal elements, including a ton of great food and drink sites. Here are some of my favorite specialty blogs that stick to a general theme and roll with it:
  • WV Hot Dog Blog. Duh
  • Energy Drink Reviews. Wonder what any of the 350,000 energy drinks to flood the market last week tastes like? This guy knows.
  • Fork You. Are you gonna be in the Charleston area for a conference and want to know where to get the best breakfast or Chinese food or fish sandwich? Give these guys a looksy.
  • Sausage and Bread Blog. This guy has eaten every sausage sandwich served in metro London and sorts them out from worst to best.
  • Slice. All pizza, all the time.

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Monday, July 28, 2008


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Saturday, July 26, 2008

Hulk no like sarcasm.

"Hey, pally, Major League Baseball tryouts are tomorrow."

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Friday, July 25, 2008

Conversation in Target

I was checking out the action figure section in Target the other day when I heard this exchange:

Kid: "Star Wars!!!!"
Mom: "How do you know about Star Wars? Did you learn that at school?"
Kid: "Uhhhhhhh"

J. t-d'n C. (on crutches), the kid was 6 or 7 years old and the mother expected him to not know about The Saga?

My son is two, and if he could say more words than "I," "go," and "poop," he would totally be able to explain why Boba Fett is way superior to Jango Fett, despite being his clone.

Despite my outrage at this clear educational omission, the Scots-Irish (little l) libertarian in me judge this woman for being either a granola bonging loon or a tambourine-tappin' true believer. The mother seems otherwise nice and the kid is polite and well-adjusted, so there is no real need for moral panic or name calling.

But I will offer a warning.

Parents of Huntington: in three years, my son will be filling your kids' heads full of stories of Bib Fortuna, Tusken Raiders, and why Darth Vader should have used the Death Star on Naboo instead of Alderaan (hint: Jar Jar).

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Thursday, July 24, 2008

The boy's lunch

Smoked sausage w/ Heinz 57 sauce, perogies, colby jack cheese, frozen blueberries, and a half-biscuit of Weetabix topped with tahini and honey.

(Don't worry, Meemaw, he had plenty of veggies for dinner.)

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Wednesday, July 23, 2008


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Tuesday, July 22, 2008

Country Ham Bagelwich with Cream Cheese and Vidalia Onions

I used some of that sliced country ham that they sell at Kroger and some diced Vidalia onions, which I fried with the ham.

The fault with this sandwich was that there was too much salty ham on there to balance the flavor. About halfway though, I scarfed the remainder of one of the two slices and then ate the rest. It was a major upgrade.

The real lesson learned here, however, is just how good Vidalias tastes when fried with country ham. It takes the guesswork out of salting and adds a bit of stank to it that only some ol' nasty, funky country ham can provide.

I give it 3.5 out of 5 Virginians in a hurry to get to work in the morning.

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Monday, July 21, 2008

Rejected baby names

Here are some baby names that my wife has poo-poo'd:

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Wednesday, July 16, 2008

Top Ten Pro Wrestler Man Boobs

At ...A Sour Apple Tree, we are huge fans of all things boob. While we prefer them to be on ladies, every now and then we have to stop and pay homage to one of God's great anomalies, the manboob. When it comes to the topic of moobies, there is probably no better place to start than the world of professional wrestling, as rasslers have for years been displaying some of the finest manbewbs on the planet.

Therefor, let us celebrate the top ten rassler mewbs of all time (click for photos):

10. Dino Bravo
9. Yokozuna
8. Lex Luger
7. Mabel/Big Daddy V
6. Tony Atlas
5. Typhoon
4. Ahmed Johnson
3. Abdullah the Butcher
2. Adrian Adonis
1. Dusty Rhodes

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Tuesday, July 15, 2008

A few weeks on...

this still make me well up a bit.

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Monday, July 14, 2008

Top O' The Mornin' To Ya

Mind if Ol' Cappy eats your brains?

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Friday, July 11, 2008

MLB Midseason Postseason Predictions

Red Sox over White Sox 3-2
Angels over Rays 3-1

Cubs over Diamondbacks 3-0
Brewers over Marlins 3-1

Red Sox over Angels 4-2

Cubs over Brewers 4-3

World Series
Red Sox over Cubs 4-1

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Wednesday, July 09, 2008

Veggie Burger with Bacon and Steak n Shake Chili Sauce

I love the Steak 'n Shake Chili sauce that rings the ground beef on their chili 5-Way. According to their canned chili, it is a 4:1 ratio of ketchup to Worcestershire sauce.

Here is the sauce on a veggie burger topped with bacon, cheese, and some Vidalia onion and served with fries and bbq sauce for fry dipping:

I give it 4.5 out of 5 contradictions. The veggie burger-bacon combo has always been a fave, and the Steak 'n Shake-style sauce only makes it better.

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Tuesday, July 08, 2008

Top 10 Guys A Cleveland Browns Fan Wants To Kick In The Balls

1. Art Modell, for moving the team to Baltimore and firing Paul Brown.
2. John Elway, for The Drive (and AFC Championship games in general).
3. Any Steelers fan/player/coach/exec.
4. The ref we pelted with plastic beer bottles after he bent the instant replay rules to screw us out of a win a few years back.
5. Bill Belichick, for cutting Bernie Kosar.
6. Tim Couch, for crying during that press conference after Browns fans cheered his injury. Wuss.
7. Carmen "I Left My Brain in San Francisco" Policy. Way to bring us back.
8. Ernest "Butterfingers" Byner, for coughing up The Fumble.
9. Paul Brown, for giving the Cincinnati Bungholes our colors.
10. Mike Davis, for intercepting Red Right 88.

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Monday, July 07, 2008

...ASAT Fake Emmy Finalist/Shortlist Ballot: Best Comedy and Drama Series

Here are my rankings for the shortlisted series for best comedy and best drama at the Emmy Awards, as reported by Tom O'Neil.

Comedy (from favorite to least favorite)
30 Rock
Flight of the Conchords
The Office
Two and a Half Men
Family Guy
Curb Your Enthusiasm
Pushing Daisies
Ugly Betty

The Tudors
Boston Legal
Friday Night Lights
The Wire
Mad Men
Grey's Anatomy

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Sunday, July 06, 2008

Brent Musberger is...

... a P.I.M.P.

I finally found a place selling the infamous figure for $2, so I had to have it. A special thanks to The Godfather for loaning the attire.

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Thursday, July 03, 2008

How West Virginians See America

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For John & Thad

In honor of Mississippi Senator Thad Chochran's revelation that John McCain may have once kicked a little ass on a Nicaraguan official a few years back, here is the worst song off of The Clash's Sandinista! album (and, arguably, the worst song ever recorded in the English language), "Hitsville UK:"

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