...ASAT Investment Tips
1. Metals. Hoard, hoard, hoard! Pull out all of the wiring in unused parts of your house. Melt all of your copper pennies. Rip out your own catalytic converter and gold teeth. Never mind that you can still use these things for other purposes. Now is not the time for logic.
2. Guns and ammo. Are you a member of a group about which it has been commented that you'll be "first against the wall when The Revolution comes?" Well, it might be here, so you might want to be ready.
3. A liquor store, a head shop, or a pharmacy. When things get bad, people love 'em some drugs and, whether they wanna get their buzz on from alkyhall, maruh-joo-anna, or by poppin' pills, people are going to want to numb themselves a bit. Better yet, become the biggest pill pusher of them all and go to medical school and cash in on all the free dinners at the Chop House in exchange for prescribing slightly different versions of existing medicines that haven't yet entered the generic market.
4. European dentistry. Every time a European has given me the standard "why America sucks" rant, they always make plenty of valid points about the proper use of power in the world theatre, a few odd comments about 400 years of history and culture not counting as real history and culture, and a couple of statements that indicate shear jealously of our cool stuff. Well, they are already gobbling up all the iCrap that Steve Jobs can manufacture, so surely proper dentistry will be next. It will start with toothpaste, then floss, then a dentist will open a surgery in Berlin or London, and--if they ever stop acting all Gen. Ripper---fluoridated water. With the Euro and Pound whuppin' our ass, one person buying your brand of mouth rinse once a month in Lyon could very well send your kid to college (assuming that any are left other than West Point and Liberty in 15 years).
5. Shares of JPMorgan-Chase-WaMu-FritoLay-Chrysler-Comcast-Durex-Conagra-Clorox-Sunoco-LuckyStrike-Viacom-TorontoRaptors-WalMart-CitiBank. I hear that they are about to buy out the state of Kansas, which should mean big bucks for America's smallest remaining corporation.
So, there you have it. By following these simple tips, you'll be living high on the hog long after all of your friends and neighbors have starved to death (well, except the ones who've signed on as your indentured servants).
Good luck (and stay off of my property).