The Best of Ohio

This is about as good as it can get from Ohio. A Kahn's Big Red Smokey, the official artery-clogger of the Cincinnati Reds, reprents Cincy and is topped with some of that Cleveland Stadium Mustard and served on a fresh Heiner's bun (known throughout Appalachian Ohio).

Of course, it can't compete with a proper WV hot dog from M & M Dairy Bell.

Arn shows Dusty how to get shit done.

Arn Anderson wanted the NWA World Television Title, but Dusty Rhodes had a bum leg and couldn't defend the strap. Anderson's solution? Kick his ass and take it, match or no match.




Garsh, I sure do miss the old "rasslin" style. It beats today's crap, which mainly consists of John Cena overcoming illiteracy and a lack of talent to beat any monster heel in his path.

Designer cocktowel

Penne with smoked gouda béchamel and smoked Alaska salmon

Click here for the béchamel sauce recipe

NCAA Sweet 16 Predictions

East
UNC over Wazzou
Louisville over Tenn.

Midwest
Kansas over 'Nova
Wisconsin over Davidson

South
Memphis over Mich. St.
Texas over Stanford

West
UCLA over W. Ky.
Xavier over WVU

Top pro wrestling-inspired penis names

10. The Berzerker

Do you yell "ush, ush, ush" repeatedly and insist on having a Japanese man yell at you during sex? If this sounds like you, then here is your new nickname for your weenie.

9. Ravishing Rick Rude

Has your penis ever shown up on two competitors on the same night? If you've managed to pull off that feet, then here is your dick's new alias.

8. The Nasty Boys

This is kind of a collective name for your junk. In this case, the penis would be "Brian Knobbs" and the 'nad bag would be "Jerry Saggs." Or maybe it is the other way around.

7.The Iron Sheik

If the only things that are keeping you from fucking some guy in the ass are "God, Jesus, and Vince McMahon," then, by all means, call your in-the-closet johnson "The Iron Sheik."

6. X-Pac

If women have ever left to get popcorn or to go to the bathroom during sex while you remain in bedroom doing crotch chops at a mirror, then this is the perfect name for your schlong.

5. The Total Package
This is a good name for one's penis if it is well-built and rather impressive to look at, but lacks stamina and has to rely on its partner in the ring, just like Lex Luger.

4. The Rock
A perfect name for anyone who has a penis that likes to refer to itself in the third person.

3. Ciclope
This WCW luchadore's name means "cyclops" in Spanish. Uhuhuhuhuhuhuhuhuh.

2. The Heartbreak Kid
If your penis can last for over 60 minutes, but will refuse to work for months at a time after losing its smile, then you gotta name your willy after Shawn Michaels.

1. Razor Ramon
Are you a white guy from Minnesota with an obsession with Scarface and a increasingly self-destructive drinking problem? If so, then you should be inviting the ladies to "say hello to the bad guy."

...ASAT fake political platform: Cabell County Sheriff

In the run-up to the West Virginia primary, ...ASAT will be giving you its fake political platform for various offices to which I am pretending to seek election.

1) Pull over anyone of any race, creed, or color with Michigan tags and shake 'em down real good.

We'd be bound to catch one or two crack dealers out of thousands of traffic stops. If, after a full cavity search, the Michigan residents are found to possess no illegal drugs or weapons, they would be given a coupon for $3 off any large specialty pizza at Monty's to make up for the burden.

2) Set up a summertime central office on Route 2 near Hillbilly Hot Dogs.

This way we could avoid the violent Huntington summers and eat dogs from a Five Weenie hot dog joint from May through September.

3) If re-elected, I would promise to spend most of my last terms seeking election to more prestigious offices.

I'm gonna be a congressman or maybe even move to a city and run for mayor.

And, finally, the cornerstone of my fake campaign:

4) Invade the northern strip of Wayne County between the Ohio River and the Interstate.

Currently, Cabell and Wayne Counties look like this:

After Operation C-K Freedom, here is how the map would look:

We would, of course, have to work on winning the hearts and minds of the citizenry of the Occupied Territory, so I would appoint a Committee for Public Safety consisting of several of the Tri State's most respected citizens, including Tom McCallister, Dollar Bill, and Alvie Qualls, to oversee the eventual restoration of democracy.

In the mean time, however, checkpoints would be established at all exits and underpasses at the new border. We would also have to move the much-beloved establishments like Evaroni's Pizza and Rocco's to Merrits Creek for safekeeping.

We would also post banners all over the area to make the folks feel welcome:

Attention Dutch readers:

MSN Live search is misdirecting you to this site via its photo search option. For some reason, they think that a photo of Katherine Heigl, an American actress, that I linked to here is Gigi Ravelli, a Dutch actress.

As I would rather look at Ravelli over Heigl anyday, here are some links where you can do just that:

BeyondHollywood.com

Google image search

And doing an FHM shoot:

Misc. stuff

• Nasal snuff: the tobacco of choice for miners, women, and dandies until the early 20th Century. HowdyDave has a great link directory of sites where one can learn about, discuss, and purchase graveyard dust (as the ol' timers in my hometown called it). Note that this is not the same snuff that was always in your high school's water fountain, but rather a dry, powdery product that is sniffed, not dipped.
• There is a ton of good stuff on ESPN 360 today. There will be no less than 17 men's NCAA basketball games (including WVU at 7 PM) and a women's game of regional interest between Ohio and Bowling Green at 2 PM, a English rugby league match between Hull FC and Wakefield, a rodeo, and 2 CONCACAF matches. Evershit considered, I might skip poker night for a sportsapalooza.
• I've been messing around on hulu and it seems pretty cool, if still a bit bare-bones. While there needs to be a helluvahlot more video on there to keep me coming back for more than a few more days, the framework seems pretty solid. They do have some pretty cool clips in much higher quality than they were on YouTube (Natalie Portman's gangsta rap from SNL is particular fave), a few full-length movies, and some episodes of popular Fox & NBC programs (with adverts, but they aren't too intrusive). Keep making it better and I'll keep coming back. Oh, you can embed, too:
  
• The Huntington Heroes indoor football team open their 2008 season by hosting the Florida Stingrays tonight at 7 PM at the Big Sandy Superstores Arena. Tickets are anywhere from $10-$20.
• Ramps are starting to pop out of the ground now. Be sure to pick up a couple of messes if you are anywhere east of US Route 19 during the next few weeks.
  

From the computer of the Governor Joe Manchin

His latest Google search.

Kroger: where the ladies are the macks.

Recently, I advised a single female friend of mine that the best place to land a half-decent dude was at the grocery store late at night, as that is when most single professional/grad student men tend to due their shopping.

Flash forward to a couple of days ago. I was trolling around YouTube during my lunch break and stumbled across this video about a woman trying to meet dudes at the supermarket. Needless to say, I LMFAO and sent her the link.

Now my friend isn't talking to me. :)

Enjoy.

Separated at birth?

Hannah Montana and Mankind?

Seriously, I must see this pic of Miley Cyrus about 20 or 30 times every time that I'm in Target or Walmart. With that maniacal smile and distant gaze, every time I walk past it I'm worried that she is going to throw me through the Spanish announcer's table and slap on the mandible claw.

In the Old Country way...

Back in Iran, nothing says "humility" like breaking someone's back and fucking them in the ass. Just ask The Iron Sheik:

More flat iron steak goodness

This time I topped the steak with smoked Gouda cheese and sesame seeds during the last minute or so of cooktime. It totally kicked ass. I had mine rare, while the missus had hers medium well. By the time that hers was finished, mine was done eaten.

BBQ Bacon Tendercrisp is back

Burger King has brought back the BBQ Bacon Tendercrisp.

I reviewed the sandwich the last time it was on the market and longed for cheese or, better yet, the Tendercrisp Bacon Cheddar Ranch.

...ASAT beer review: Bud Light Chelada

A couple of weeks ago, I commented on an odd beer sighting at Kroger, something called "Budweiser Chelada." I promised to try it out and report my results here, and well, I was mildly surprised.

After reading some comments about how bad it tasted on some message boards, I was expecting canned grossness. Instead, I found something that wasn't entirely horrible.

It sorta tasted like a bland-ish bloody mary that had sat around long enough for the ice cubes to melt. It was by no means great and I would not buy it again, but I could see how a properly prepared chelada beer could be a tasty summertime treat. I would guess that subbing V8 & Corona for the Clamato and Bud Light would be a good call, as would adding some Worcestershire sauce and some sort of Mexican hot sauce.

I give the Bud Light product 2 out of 5 drunken Texans and the concept, as a whole, 3.5 out of 5 drunken Texans. I'm totally gonna try this from a bar the next time that I'm in Texico.

Acceptance

RIP JH

Depression

Bargaining