... A Sour Apple Tree

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Location: Huntington, WV, United States

I'm a 37 year-old guy from Huntington, WV.

Wednesday, March 11, 2009

Ten signs that you're a 90s pro wrestling fan

You Google "Scoops Central" from time to time just in case Al has decided to get back in the wrestling news & rumors business.

You write Don McLean at least once a month requesting that he write a song about May 23, 1999.

When one of your children hits the other one in the head with a cookie sheet, you have to fight the urge to start chanting "E-C-Dub, E-C-Dub."

You still wear an old nWo shirt as an undershirt and, whenever you take off your sweater or button-up to reveal it, you can almost hear Tony Schiavone screaming about your betrayal and expect to get hit with soft drinks and batteries.

When someone at work is taking lunch orders and they ask "what does everybody want?," you pelt them with a styrofoam mannequin head.

You still hate Canada more than Iran.

You have ever lost a friendship over whether "Vince screwed Bret" or "Bret screwed Bret."

You can watch a Chris Benoit match and almost forget about what he would become in the future.

You can name at least 25 reasons why Sunny is waaaay better than the current crop of skanks.

You marked out for at least 90 percent of the stuff on Wrestlecrap when it happened (admit it).

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Anonymous Anonymous said...

Every time we drive past the Morehead exit on I64, we always say "what does everybody want?"

In death, Owen got the push he never got in life.
I never thought any of the
Harts were any good. Except maybe Stu.
I never understood the attraction.

Thursday, March 12, 2009  
Blogger Chris James said...

Two words: ring psychology. Both Bret and Owen could make anyone (Yokozuna, Goldberg, post-injury Steve Austin) look better when they were in the ring together. They sold moves, made harmless moves ('cept for that one piledriver on Austin) look and sound sickening, and told in-ring stories that built to a crescendo and a satisfying end (or at least as satisfying as the booker would allow).

As for Morehead, I always thought that the city would make for a better kayfabe hometown for Snow than his actual residence, friggin' Lima, Ohio.

Thursday, March 12, 2009  
Blogger Spike Nesmith said...

Hi! Don MacLean here!

Owen Owen Heart
paint the ring in shades of red
that night you fell and hit your head
in front of twenty thousand screaming fans

Owen Owen Hart
Missouri was our misery
in '99, may 23
you wriggled out your harness and you fell

....and I'm done. Can I have another beer, please? And can someone change my diaper?

Thursday, March 19, 2009  
Blogger Chris James said...


Monday, March 23, 2009  

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