... A Sour Apple Tree

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Location: Huntington, WV, United States

I'm a 37 year-old guy from Huntington, WV.

Tuesday, April 07, 2009

9.5 Theses

In reaction to rumors that the Rev. Elvis Drinkmo has been selling indulgences for the forgiveness of transgressions against the Holy Starfleet Captains and the JLA in order to finance the renovations to his tub performed by Bath Fitter, I offer these 9.5 theses:

1. Every true DC Comictician, whether living or dead, has part in all the blessings of The Flash and the Church; and this is granted him by the Justice League of America, even without letters of pardon.

2. The true treasure of the Church is the Most Holy Gospel of Orion of the glory and the grace of Morn.

3. To say that the power ring, emblazoned with Drinkmo's arms, which is set up [by the preachers of indulgences], is of equal worth with the Ring of Alan Scott, is blasphemy.

4. Comicticians are to be taught that if Drinkmo knew the exactions of the pardon-preachers, he would rather that his new custom-fitted conversion shower should go to ashes, than that it should be built up with the skin, flesh and bones of his crew.

5. Hawkman remits guilt to no one whom He does not, at the same time, humble in all things and bring into subjection to His vicar, Worf.

6. It seems unproved, either by reason or The Prime Directive, that they are outside the state of merit, that is to say, of increasing love.

7. Injury is done the Starship Enterprise when, in the same sermon, an equal or a longer time is spent on pardons than on Capt. Kirk's Word.

8. It is said that even Batman, if he were now President of the United Federation of Planets, could not bestow greater graces; this is blasphemy against Martian Manhunter and against Capt. Picard.

9. Latter-Day Trekiologists are to be exhorted that they be diligent in following Admiral Janeway, their Head, through Borg Assimilation, transporter malfunctions, and the Delta Quadrant;

9.5. And thus, why are Star Wars and Marvel action figures soooo much cooler than those made for DC and Star Trek franchises?

Here I stand; I can do no other. Aquaman help me. Amen.

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8 Comments:

Blogger Elvis Drinkmo said...

It's like someone has set fire to the Watchtower. There hasn't been an attack like this since the Breen launched an all out assault on Starfleet Headquarters in San Francisco. We're not selling pardons, we're selling front row seats to the Hall of Justice. The DC scriptures and Five Pillars of Star Trek demand no less from us. Besides, what's six figures in this booming economy?

The Elders have been called on subspace to arrange a meeting in the Bolius sector on how to prepare ourselves for the oncoming break off factions who would dare claim that they are as close to the Martian Manhunter and the JLA as we are.

Wednesday, April 08, 2009  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

lame

Thursday, April 09, 2009  
Blogger Chris James said...

Sicking your anonymous Graysonuit priests on me wont stop the truth, Drinkmo!

I denounce thee as the Anti-Sisko and a mere tool of the Joker!

Thursday, April 09, 2009  
Blogger Elvis Drinkmo said...

I have to admit that stunt backfired. We paid him a whole $6.55 from our donation coffers to come over here and denounce this heresy and all we got out of it was one single word.

Chris,

It's not too late to obtain amnesty from the Elders. We still have time to talk to the Batman and claim temporary insanity.

Thursday, April 09, 2009  
Blogger Jackie said...

Mmmm, Nerd Beef....because you can't, you won't, and you don't stop!!! :D:D:D

Saturday, April 11, 2009  
Blogger Chris James said...

You'll get yers, pumpkinboy.

Monday, April 13, 2009  
Blogger asad said...

פיטנס דיפו חנות ספורט המובילה בישראל לציוד כושר, משקולות תוספי תזונה ועוד באתר תמצאו תוכנית אימונים מותאמת אישית כל המוצרים
נמהיבואן לצרכן
חנות ספורט

Monday, September 03, 2012  
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Wednesday, September 05, 2012  

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