Nanny state BS from the BBC and my petty response
A big sarcastic thank you to the BBC for eliminating the ability of international users to select the UK edition of the main news website, news.bbc.co.uk. In (stereo)typical European fashion, they went ahead and decided that they know best what I really want, thinking that I go to the site for international news on parliamentary elections in Dirtbagistan and glue-huffing orphans in one of their random Southern Hemisphere colonies rather than for voyeuristic gawking at the eccentricities/bat-shit zaniness of politics and culture in my ancestral homelands (England, Wales, Northern Ireland).
This means I now I have to look at some tragic scene from the third world for a couple of seconds before I can click on the "UK" tab to read about how Gordon Brown (or soon-to-be *shutters* PM David Cameron) is f'n stuff up. The other option would be to change my browser to open at the UK-focused page that is essentially the British version of the page, but that require me to change my homepage for the first time in 9 years. Remember, folks, I'm the same OCD bastard who used an Excite (remember them? no?) email account for about 5 years after it became a spam-magnet pain-in-the-ass and also checks to make sure that his toaster is unplugged about 7 times before checking the mail.
Well, in response to this latest act of minor annoyance from the folks who brought the world the overdose-proof 6 count pack of asprin and people guilting you to buy 1242398 copies of The Big Issue, here is what I'm gonna do the next time I'm in Blighty:
1. Ask for ice in everything, especially tea.
2. Request---no---demand 17 packets of ketchup per order of french fries.
3. Ask random people if they know the queen.
4. Cut their preciouscues queues* at the train station, and call it a "line" while I'm doing it.
5. Point out how geographically tiny they are compared to, say, Nebraska.
6. Tell women that they could get much further in life if they stopped getting mens' haircuts.
7. Bitch about the warm beer and cold beans.
8. Give away the endings to movies and TV shows that have already been screened in America.
9. Ask people from Newcastle why they have Scottish accents.
10. Use the word "soccer" exclusively.
11. Tell posh southerners with received pronunciation that they sound just like Michael Caine.
12. Randomly scold people for voting for those dancing tools over Susan Boyle.
13. Point out that we elected Obama while they elected the BNP to the European Parliament.
14. Tell people "you're welcome" in advance for the inevitable invasion by WalMart.
15. Ask people where they go to church.
After completing each of these tasks 5 times, assuming that I haven't been beaten and/or stabbed into a coma, I'll have considered myself fully avenged and promptly start saying really horrible things about the German national football team and laughing along while drunk people serenade me with "Country Roads."
Tit for tat.
*per Damon
This means I now I have to look at some tragic scene from the third world for a couple of seconds before I can click on the "UK" tab to read about how Gordon Brown (or soon-to-be *shutters* PM David Cameron) is f'n stuff up. The other option would be to change my browser to open at the UK-focused page that is essentially the British version of the page, but that require me to change my homepage for the first time in 9 years. Remember, folks, I'm the same OCD bastard who used an Excite (remember them? no?) email account for about 5 years after it became a spam-magnet pain-in-the-ass and also checks to make sure that his toaster is unplugged about 7 times before checking the mail.
Well, in response to this latest act of minor annoyance from the folks who brought the world the overdose-proof 6 count pack of asprin and people guilting you to buy 1242398 copies of The Big Issue, here is what I'm gonna do the next time I'm in Blighty:
1. Ask for ice in everything, especially tea.
2. Request---no---demand 17 packets of ketchup per order of french fries.
3. Ask random people if they know the queen.
4. Cut their precious
5. Point out how geographically tiny they are compared to, say, Nebraska.
6. Tell women that they could get much further in life if they stopped getting mens' haircuts.
7. Bitch about the warm beer and cold beans.
8. Give away the endings to movies and TV shows that have already been screened in America.
9. Ask people from Newcastle why they have Scottish accents.
10. Use the word "soccer" exclusively.
11. Tell posh southerners with received pronunciation that they sound just like Michael Caine.
12. Randomly scold people for voting for those dancing tools over Susan Boyle.
13. Point out that we elected Obama while they elected the BNP to the European Parliament.
14. Tell people "you're welcome" in advance for the inevitable invasion by WalMart.
15. Ask people where they go to church.
After completing each of these tasks 5 times, assuming that I haven't been beaten and/or stabbed into a coma, I'll have considered myself fully avenged and promptly start saying really horrible things about the German national football team and laughing along while drunk people serenade me with "Country Roads."
Tit for tat.
*per Damon
Labels: BBC, BBC News, Comedy, England, Great Britain, Humor, Internet, Satire
posted by Chris James | Thursday, June 11, 2009
7 Comments:
Even more annoying, the line you are willing to cut in is spelled 'queue'over there.. Kinda like theatre and colour and phuk those limey twats.
This has nothing to do with this post but I needed to let you know that you are still on my blog roll. I'm still working on adding everyone back.
I STILL LOVE YOU!!! hahaha
Damon-LOL. I forgot about that.
I'll make the change.
Sometimes they spell the words the same way, but use odd pronunciations, like "I'll put some bazil, some or-ee-gone-o and some jal-lap-ee-no in the sauce."
BG-It is good to see that you've joined the "blogroll on the left of the page" crowd. We're the cool kids.
GOLD! bwaa haa haa haa haa!!
What does "posh southerners with received pronunciation " mean?
Snobby rich folks from the southern parts of England who would speak the proper Queen's English. As Michael Caine has a working-class Cockney accent, it'd be a bit like telling a Connecticut blue blood that they sound just like Tony Danza.
Good to see that you are not the least bit put out. Marvelous reserve, chummie.
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