... A Sour Apple Tree

Your source for fast and/or frozen food reviews, Huntington and/or West Virginia commentary, rasslin' (not wrestling) nostalgia, bad parody, dumb satire, rejected slogans, pointless lists, unreliable sports predictions, and funny local pictures.

Location: Huntington, WV, United States

I'm a 37 year-old guy from Huntington, WV.

Friday, December 04, 2009

World Cup Smack Talk: "Pwn Brittania"

The US has been drawn in the same group as England for the 2010 World Cup, so it our solemn patriotic duty to talk shit on cousins across the pond. Since it is soccer and Euro footy fans like singing silly songs, lemme drop this joint on one of their national songs that hearkens back to their vaguely-remembered glory:

"Pwn Britannia!
Those soccer-playin' knaves,
England's goalies ne'er can make saves!"

"Pwn Britannia
Meet our football Braves,
Bes' go hide inyer cheddar agin' caves."

Y'all might be the favorites, but we're ready to cause some headaches and early exits. Bring it, window-lickers.

Now my interns have to go study up on Algeria and Slovenia to find some dirt on them, which may be difficult, 'cause no one gives a rat's ass about Slovenia or Algeria...

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Blogger Spike Nesmith said...

FX: Charming music

VO: And now it's time for 'Pedant's Corner", with your host, Spike Nesmith.

SN: Hello everyone! Our first blog post is from Chris James, who writes "Pwn Brittania". Thanks, Chris! Whilst we here at 'Pedant's Corner' will be more than happy to see England crash and burn in the 2010 World Cup - particularly at the hands of the US national team (who, let's not forget, handed England their backsides in the 1993 World Cup), we feel the need to point out that "Britannia" refers to the whole of the United Kingdom, and not just England. Despite being the only team representing the United Kingdom in the World Cup, it is safe to assume that the other provinces will be rooting for whoever is playing England, rather than the English team itself. Exponentially so north of the border.

FX: Charming music

VO: This has been 'Pedant's Corner' - brought to you, very reluctantly, by the grammatically incorrect film "Me and Orson Welles" and the Heart song "Who Will You Run To".


Sunday, December 06, 2009  
Blogger Chris James said...

I had considered that technicality, but I was stuck for another song to parody. I'd considered "God Save the (insert gender-appropriate term for constitutional monarch," but 1) I already have a parody of that song that mainly insults Germans, not the English, and 2) "Rebellious Scots" were already crushed by the Netherlands and Norway in Group 9. I also thought about "Jerusalem," but the last time that I pissed off the Women's Institute, they made me look at a calendar with Helen Mirren's tits for 48 consecutive hours. Lastly, I was going to use the immortal Spice Girl classic, "Wannabe," but I couldn't stop giggling at the lyric that may or may not be about one of them liking it in her face.

Hence, my distant cousins in Scotland and Wales got caught in the collateral damage of my little-read smack talk. That said, it might work to my advantage, as I've always found that feigning a lack of basic geographic knowledge by an American gets people the UKoGB&NI as riled up as any bad attempts at Weird Al-ing a sacred national anthem.

Monday, December 07, 2009  

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