... A Sour Apple Tree

Your source for fast and/or frozen food reviews, Huntington and/or West Virginia commentary, rasslin' (not wrestling) nostalgia, bad parody, dumb satire, rejected slogans, pointless lists, unreliable sports predictions, and funny local pictures.

Name:
Location: Huntington, WV, United States

I'm a 37 year-old guy from Huntington, WV.

Friday, February 27, 2009

...ASAT Top Five Meatless/Lenten Friday Lunches

Considering that most of my ancestors told the Bishop of Rome where he could stick it 500 years ago, I am free to eat meat if I so choose on Fridays during the Lenten season. I do, however, have sympathy for my Catholic friends and in-laws who are moping over their fish sandwiches and ketchup 'n cottage cheese salads. Therefore, in the spirit of ecumenical dialogue, here are my five favorite meatless lunchtastic dishes:

1. Curry. Considering that most Indians, especially in the higher castes, are vegetarians 24-7-365, they've learned a thing or two about making tasty and protein-filled meals over the past several millennia. Try a dish with "dahl" (lentils) or "rajma" (red beans) in the title. If you are not near an Indian restaurant at your work, larger Kroger stores sell a selection of veggie curries in the ethnic food section. Just boil some rice the day before, nuke together, and enjoy.

2. Morningstar Farms Grillers Prime veggie burgers. Cook them in a skillet with a litte oil or microwave (make sure to err on the side of over-cooking in the radiation box, however, as they can otherwise end up a bit slimy), slide them on a Heiner's Sunny Bun, and top like you would a regular burger. You'll find that it actually tastes more like a homemade burger than many all-beef offerings from fast food joints.

3. Hoppin' John. A mix of black-eyed peas, jalapenos, onions, and tomatoes, a can of this stuff costs about a buck and tastes great on rice (and is fat free to boot). Hint: use frozen rice, as it will have dried out a bit and will reconstitute with some of the spicy tomato juice.

4. Bagged salad with olive oil, basalmic vinegar, avocado, berries, and sea salt. The toppings make the cheapo ensalada taste like a million bucks and, when served with a slice or two of sourdough bread, cover your nutritional needs for a lunch.

5. Emeril's Gaaahlic Pasta Sauce & Spaghetti. Boil up some noodles the night before and pour over some of this killer red sauce. The next day, you'll be two minutes away from a lunch so zesty that you wont even miss the meat. Just be sure to brush your teeth before any business meetings.

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Thursday, February 26, 2009

Ninja Cat: It Never Gets Old




My toddler loves this video every bit as much as a thrice divorced English prof loves (insert boring dead alcoholic author here) and, much like a certain Celtic-themed brand of soap, you'll like it too.

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Wednesday, February 25, 2009

Ash Wednesday

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Tuesday, February 24, 2009

Fat(ass) Tuesday, aka What's for Lunch: Pre-Lenten Edition

As I mentioned in an earlier post, I have decided to give up fast food from mega-chains for Lent (no worries, Stanton, this does not include any area HDJs). So, rather than drinking or eating pancakes or showing off my moobs for beads, I'm celebrating Mardi Gras/Shrove Tuesday by eating some fast food favorites. Therefore, here is what I just ate for lunch:
That would be a McDonald's McDouble and a large onion rings from Burger King.

Well, I'm set. It'll take at least 46 days to recover.

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Monday, February 23, 2009

Concrete poured to last


When did they switch to from 4 to 7 digit dialing? Good work, Mr. Curtis. Too bad we don't build stuff to last anymore like you did.

Friday, February 20, 2009

What's For Lunch: Weekend Edition


Andouille sausage with frozen Southwestern beans 'n rice w/ Fritos.

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Wednesday, February 18, 2009

Goodbye, my childhood friend



RIP KB Toys (1922-2009)

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Friday, February 13, 2009

What's for lunch?

1. McDonald's McDouble. Who'd a' thunk it? The Double Cheeseburger did indeed have too much cheese. Sub one slice for a giant glob of ketchup and watch my frequency of visits to the arches, um, mcdouble.

2. Annie Chun's Asian soup bowls. 50% off at Kroger. I hope they aren't being discontinued.

3. WV Hot Dogs. If Jesus had been born in West Virginia instead of the Levant, we'd all be having chili sauce 'n slaw dogs and RC cola instead of bread and wine/grape juice at communion ("Body of Christ, y'all").

4. Roast beef sandwich w/ Cabot's 75% reduced fat cheddar and horseradish sauce on a Sunny Bun. If you use quality meat with the sweet bun and potent sauce, you won't miss the fat at all.

5. Lean Cuisine Butternut Squash Ravioli. This is my current favorite frozen dish. It tastes like a million bucks and my body always gets slightly confused by that healthy feeling I get after I scarf one of these.

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Wednesday, February 11, 2009

...ASAT Top Five West Virginia Republican Gubernatorial Candidates I'd Maybe Vote for in '12...

...assuming that the Democrats find another Caperton-Pritt-Wise-Manchin-esque tool and I get tired of throwing my vote at Jesse Johnson:

1. Betty Ireland: She seems alright.
2. Kim Wolfe: Seems to be a good man and a good administrator.
3. Shelley Moore Capito: Hey, it'd get her out of Congress.
4. Mike Teets: Again, "I Support Teets."
5. Danny Jones: Busted. I could only think of four. Okay, three. Erm, two. Maybe.

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Tuesday, February 10, 2009

Ain't there one damn song that can make me break down and cry?

Yup.

Pirates of the Mississippi--"Feed Jake"


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Monday, February 09, 2009

...ASAT Top Five French Fry Dipping Sauces

1. BBQ Sauce. When at a restaurant with BBQ sauce of any account, ask for some for your french fries. If the server is working for a tip, they should hook you up. At home, nuke up some Cattleman's or another good brand.

2. McDonald's ketchup. The sweet and tangy zip of the red stuff from the Arches makes any fries almost perfect.

3. Heinz ketchup. Almost as good as the stuff from Mickey D's and by far the best ketchup for french fries sold in stores.

4. Chili and Cheese. I like Cincinnati chili and mild cheddar, but I cannot say that I've ever had a truly bad order of chili cheese fries

5. Buffalo Wing Sauce. Just ask AllClick. I like mine with two part Frank's Red Hot, one part margarine, and garlic powder. He uses butter & fresh garlic, but he is all fancy 'n European. Either way, it's some good stuff.

So how do you get your dip on?

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Sunday, February 08, 2009

Quote of the day

"OK, I'll admit it , I was fooled by the hottie with red hair and clicked on it. This sucks ass."

--MTVMusic.com user Sx66gns, commenting on Paramore's "crushcrushcrush"

You are not alone, bro.


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Friday, February 06, 2009

Ranking the Joneses

1. Raiders of the Lost Ark: One of the best action movies of all time and the face-melting scene is the coolest special effect ever.

2. Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade: Another great action flick with lots of humor and some of the best actors (Ford, Connery, Phoenix, Rhys-Davies) in Hollywood at the time.

3. The Young Indiana Jones Chronicles: A fun TV show that does much more justice to the background of these beloved characters than Lucas does with the Star Wars prequels.

4. Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull: It is good to see Karen Allen in a leading role again, but where the hell is Sallah? How did the Ruskies get to Area 51 unnoticed? Am I the only person uninspired by Shia LaBeouf?

5. Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom: Some of the action scenes are sweet (the mining car ride especially), but plot and dialogue flounder in comparison to the first and third films. The namby-pamby liberal in my also can't help but find this film mildly racist.

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Thursday, February 05, 2009

Ranking the Batmen

1. Christian Bale: Finally, an on-screen portrayal that makes Bruce Wayne seem like a real friggin' person.
2. Michael Keaton: The whole point was that no one should be able to guess that the rich guy is Batman and there is no way that I would have guessed Mr. Mom as the Dark Knight.
3. Adam West: The Batusi and shark repellent rawk.
4. My 2 year-old son dressed in his Batman pajamas: At least he didn't totally mail it in like...
5. George Clooney: I don't know if this is true, but supposedly he will refund whatever you paid to see Batman & Robin if you see him out and about and call him on that disjointed peace of crap.
6. Anyone who has ever dressed as or done an impersonation of Batman, other than...
7. Val Kilmer: He should have stuck to doing bad impressions of overrated dead musicians.

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Tuesday, February 03, 2009

I wish you were 72

and today was just another day.

Buddy Holly, September 7, 1936 – February 3, 1959.

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