Top Ten Funniest London Underground Station Names

The tube station names of the London Underground are sometimes really funny, especially to an American with a brain that hasn't matured since junior high. Here are my 10 most giggle-inducing:

1. Cockfosters (probably the funniest toponym in the world)

2. Shepherd's Bush

3. Mudchute

4. Goodge Street (if "goodge" isn't a slang term for something yet, it should be)

5. St. John's Wood

6. Roding Valley

7. Marylebone

8. Hornchurch

9. Mornington Crescent

10. Tie: Northwood, Chorleywood, Colliers Wood

Hon. Mention: Pudding Mill Lane, Oxford Circus, Barking


Special contest: Gratuitous in-post linkage to your blog for the best suggestion for what noun/verb "goodge" should be a naughty/sophomoric synonym.

Celebrating John Calvin's 500th Birthday

Today is the 500th anniversary of John Calvin's birthday, so here is how I plan to celebrate:

1. Throwing footstools at Anglican priests.
2. Accepting that I am double predestined to eat whatever my wife makes for dinner.
3. See more old queens than the time I visited Buckingham Palace.
4. Wear a kilt to church despite the fact that no one in my ancestry has been to Scotland in nearly 300 years.
5. Move to Ulster and pretend that it was mine all along, then move (back) to Appalachia.

All joking aside, a hat tip to all of my Reformed and/or Presbyterian on this day of great importance to them.

Brian Kilmeade doesn't marry other "ethnics."

Wasn't there another guy a few years back who admired Nordic racial purity?

Rosie Jones

I take back everything that I've ever said about English women thanks to Rosie Jones.

Warning: link is NSFW (if your safe search is turned off like any proper gentleman of noble birth and leisure) and contains the same sort of soft-core titty photos that one would expect to find on page three of a British newspaper.

Thanks to Damon for sending me the link.

Huntington Area McDonald's Rankings

1. 5th Ave (near campus). The food always seems the freshest there and the employees are generally smarter and friendlier than at any other area location.

2. Washington Ave. One of the fastest drive-thrus in town and they have a high tolerance for special orders.

3. Lavalette. Folks are just nicer in Lavalette. Just ask Jim.

4. Ceredo/Kenova. The fries always seem hotter and saltier in Huntington's Canada.

5. Huntington Mall. The food isn't bad, but it suffers from heavy traffic and the most difficult parking lot/drive-thru to enter and exit of any business in the Tri-State.

6. Route 60 East. It can sometimes be difficult to get out of the drive-thru, especially when stuck behind someone who cannot gauge the stoplight. The PlayLand is also eerily reminiscent of Lord of the Flies.

7. Proctorville. They've fumbled my orders a few too many times over the past decade, but they don't charge sales tax on to-go orders, which is nice.

8. Wal-Mart. Good food, but it usually suffers from a less-than-clean dining area and one has to walk halfway across the store to get to the bathroom.

9. Hal Greer Blvd. I've already bitched ad nauseum about this location. No need to waste any more carpal tunnel injuries on them. They do make good McCafé, however, probably thanks to all of the practice they get from patients and employees of Cabell-Huntington Hospital in need of a caffeine fix.

Route 35: Route 19, Redux

Back in the 1970s & 80s, US Rt. 19 through Nicholas County was a regular deathtrap. The road was not wide enough to handle the traffic from Northeasterners and Canadians (many of whom thought that they were still on the Pennsylvania Turnpike during rush hour) traveling to Florida and the big rigs moving freight up and down the east coast and there were numerous back roads that cut across the road with little more than a stop sign to keep things in check. The result? Lots of dead locals, Yankees, and Canucks. It wasn't until the road was widened, new stop lights were installed, and Summersville transformed into a world-famous speed trap that things sort-of got under control.

Well, a new stretch of US 35 has opened in Putnam County and similar shit looks like it might go down in Advantage Valley's suburbia. Rather than building an over or under pass where the new four-lane (popular with east-west semi trucks) crosses Hurricane Creek Road, a county highway that has a pretty decent flow of Putnam County's north-south traffic, someone just had the new road cut through the old two-laner without so much as a stoplight.

Well, this weekend the dangerous intersection has claimed its first of what is likely to be many vicitms. WSAZ and the Charleston Gazette have the story.

What's for Lunch: Famous Dave's Leftovers, Part 1

A few days ago, my father was in town and swung by Famous Dave's in Barboursville to pick up some takeout. He got the All-American BBQ Feast, which meant that there was bound to be some leftovers (although not on corn, as they stiffed us on a couple of cobs, but I digress).

The next day, I loaded up my lunch bag with some of the Georgia chopped pork, a roasted chicken breast (with the wing still attached) a some slaw. I took the meat off of the chicken (except for part of the wing) and heated it in the toaster oven with the pork. I then placed the meat on my wife's homemade Amish bread and topped it with some Famous Dave's Rich & Sassy bbq sauce:



I was gonna eat the sandwich with the slaw as a side, but then I remember that I am a West Virginian, so I put the slaw where it belongs, on the sam'mich:



I folded it over and went to town, but I had to eat the last third of the bbq sandwich with a fork, as the stability of the bread had been compromised by the sauce, juices, and slaw dressing.

Good work, Mrs. James and Famous Dave. I give it 4.5 out of 5 coworkers disappointed with their Hot Pockets and bologna sandwiches.
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Fast Food Review: Wendy's Boneless Wings

I'm on record for being a big fan of both "boneless" chicken wings and fast food, so when I saw that Wendy's (our semi-localish national fast food chain out of Columbus) was now serving up some pre-sauced chicken nugs, it was a no brainer: I had to check them out.

I had originally planned to try all three, but I found out that I could only get them in $3.99 increments, so I scaled back my order to try their "Bold Buffalo" and "Sweet & Spicy Asian Chicken" varieties; Honey BBQ would have to wait.

Bold Buffalo:

The first thing that I noticed was that the wings had a nice aroma of vinegar, a must for any true Buffalo-style chicken, as it is not just about the heat, but rather a balance of specific flavors. This stood true as I took a bite and the chicken tastes of a balance of vinegary zing and some spice, but not too much cheap heat. It tasted pretty much like what a Buffalo wing from a national fast food joint should. Not perfect, but solid. It could, however, stand a bit more sauce, even if it would take away from the crispiness of the nugget.

Sweet & Spicy Asian:

This was the wing that had really caught my eye, as I tend to be a huge mark for all things sweet and spicy. Sadly, this wing was more salty than sweet. They need to add more sweetener (sugar, honey, or even corn syrup) and maybe even make them a teeny tiny bit spicier. With this flavor profile, the spice was not as good as a generic sweet Asian sauce found in most frozen food items. They could learn a thing or two from Healthy Choice. Even if the sauce isn't all that good, they still need to add more to the chicken. As it is now, it tastes too much like the breading.


At around 10 pieces for $3.99 + tax, Wendy's Boneless Wings are not a great bargain, but a nice change-of-pace item.

Ratings:

Bold Buffalo- 4 out of 5 Sabres vs. Blue Jackets tickets

Sweet & Spicy Asian- 2.5 out of 5 OSU exchange students headed to Thailand to teach English
.

Up to $7.50/hr

'Cause @ Burger King, you're worth more than the minimum. A quarter more.

Huntington's Weekend Water Woes: Winners and Losers

Loser: Westen Virginia-Amerikaner Wasser, erm, Pennsylvania-German Water, er, uhh, I mean West Virginia-American Water. Fix your infrastructure first, then pay your shareholders. Also, don't over-sell the expected time for when the boil water advisory will end. If it ain't gonna be 8 AM Sunday, don't say "8 AM Sunday." Talk about a major PR hit all around.

Winner: Kroger. Thanks for the 4 truckloads of free water.

Winner: The various natural gas companies. All that water boilin' had to equal some serious green.

Loser: The environment. Lots of extra heating fuel was used to boil the water, people burned soem extra gasoline to make trips all over town to buy jugs of water, and a few tons of water bottles will end up in Dietz Hollow over the next week.

Winner: Huntington Fire Department. Thanks for handing out the water from Kroger.

Loser: Huntingtonians. We were afraid to wash our dishes, so the resulting pile in our sink reminded me of my old college apartment (I hated that place).

Loser: Restaurants. Coffee and pasta establishments were mostly closed and joints that were open had to curtail their menu. One friend of mien who works as a server noted that many customers took out their frustrations on him in the forms of general rudeness and/or low tips.

Winner: Bottled water/beverage manufacturers and retailers. The bottlers and convenience store owners all just booked an extra week in Hilton Head.

Winner: Our pets. They tasted bottled water for likely the only time in their lives.

Top Ten Potato Chip Varieties

1. Snyder of Berlin Bar-B-Q. Quite simply the best potato chip on earth. Sweet, spicy, salty, and perfect.

2. Herr's Old Bay. Kinda like going to the beach for seafood, but you don't have to leave home or pay for the crab cakes.

3. Wise Traditional. Burnt just enough. Great with ketchup.

4. Walkers Steak & Onion. Found mainly in Britain, but seen time to time in stateside specialty shops. It sort of tastes like the bastard child of beef jerky and tater chips.

5. Pringles Onion Blossom. They taste more like the horseradish sauce than the blooming onions, but that is the best part, anyway.

6. Tim's Jalapeño. Super spicy, but still tasty. This Washington State snack and the fresh raw oysters at Etta's are the main reasons why I ever agree to go visit my wife's family.

7. Grandma Utz's Handcooked Barbq. Kettle-cooked in lard. 'nuff sed.

8. Mister Bee (original). Not the best in the world, but, as they are local, they are always super fresh.

9. Snyder of Berlin Hawaiian Sweet Onion. Very sweet and zesty but beware, your breath will still be stank-o three brushings later.

10. Herr's Steak & Worcestershire. Not as good as the British "crisps" listed above, but pretty darn close and not a pain in the ass to find.
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Runaway

If you don't come home,
I hope that you find a place
where you will be loved.

My 10 Most Read News Sites

Here are the top ten sites where I most commonly get my local/national/world news:

1. BBC
2. MSNBC
3. CNN
4. Huntington Herald-Dispatch
5. Politico
6. The Guardian
7. The Independent
8. WSAZ
9. CBS
10. The Times (London)

Hon mention: Charleston Gazette, The Telegraph

*I also read Huffington Post regularly enough to where it would be at about 7. on the list, but that is not so much news as it is people I sort-of agree with about 75% of the time getting overly worked up about random dumb shit (aka a blog).

So where do y'all get your online news?

What's for Breakfast: Lazy Weekend Edition

Leftover roasted potatoes, freshened up in a skillet with some bacon grease, and some pepperoni, along with a side of bbq sauce for the taters.


I give it 2.5 out of 5 antacids tablets taken a couple of hours later.

These are a few of my least-favorite things...

• Any event that includes the words "wine" and "jazz." This does not, however, include the hilarity of watching tipsy upper-middle class white people back into each other's Lexus hybrids.
• The shitty vegetable selection @ the 5th Ave Kroger. Why do I have to go to Barboursville to get mustard greens and half-runner beans?
• Wendy's french fries.
• Star Wars Episodes I & III
• John Cena
• ABC's entire prime time line-up
• Local newscasts trying to stretch 25 minutes worth of news over 90+ minutes.
• Stewart's hot dogs.
• Substitute clergy using the pulpit to hit me up for money for some charity du jour while the rector is on vacation.
• Pizza with country sausage and/or banana peppers.
• Overly obsessed fans of Charlaine Harris or Stephanie Meyer (I said overly, honey, I'm not talking about you. Don't make me sleep on the couch.).
• Shoppers in the Rt. 60 WalMart. Unlike the relatively friendly patrons of the B-ville, Hurricane, and Chesapeake Wally Worlds, the folks who shop at the University Heights location are rude and pushy a-holes (Note: this includes me when I'm there. Kill or be killed.)
• Our local Coca-Cola bottler's decision to discontinue Vault Zero.
• Astroturfing (both online and in sports).
• Setting off fireworks in urban areas on non-holiday weekdays. I get it. You went to a state where all sorts of explosives are solk along the highway. Please save them for your cousin's farm in Wayne County on the 4th of July.
  

Hibernian sucks

Counterproductivity

PETA has taken aim at President Obama for killing a fly during a recent TV interview by sending him a no-kill fly trap.

It's actions like this that convince the paranoid conspiracy nut in me that PETA is unknowingly being funded by a secret coalition of meat producers, puppy mills, and exterminators to make animal rights seem downright wacky.

"Here's $1,000,000. Now go alienate Middle America."

Suggested replacements for Robert Byrd

With Senator Robert C. Byrd's current health status shrouded in mystery and rumors abuzz that Senate Majority Leader Harry Reid has been in contact with WV Governor Joe Manchin to discuss the seat, ...A Sour Apple Tree, as a public service, is inappropriately and preemptively offering some possible replacement picks should Byrd either retire or move on to that great upper house in the sky:

1. Randy Moss. Probably the most well-known West Virginian today, although comment, "I attend subcommittee meetings when I want to attend subcommittee meetings," would likely not endear him to the caucus.

2. Randall Reid-Smith. Has been known to do whatever SuperManch tells him in the past, but can the Senate Dems keep him from pushing to put cafes in the middle of the national archives, the Grand Canyon, and Ford's Theatre?

3. Joe Manchin-Although he could, in theory, appoint himself, Manchin would most likely strike a bargain with State Senate President/sort-of Lt. Gov. Earl Ray Tomblin, who would become acting governor, to appoint him after first resigning as governor.It didn't work so well for New Mexico's Edwin Mechem back in the 60s, but incumbency is a mighty powerful thing in WV politics.

4. Rep. Nick Joe Rahall-With all those years of, um, you, the, uhhh, err, I think he got a birdge named after himself.

5. Bob Wise-This way Manchin can finally achieve his life-long dream of beating Wise in a primary election.

6. Gaston Caperton-'Cause WV has a tradition of sending New York patricians of average intelligence to the Senate.

7. Michael Garrison-Believe it or not, he would be more qualified for this job than for his last.

8. Morgantown Mayor Ron Justice-He gets shit done.

9. Delegate Jeff Eldridge-He might put forth a bill to ban Sarah Palin.

10. Denise Giardina-Well-qualified? Yes. Would it ever happen? Uhhhh, no.

Hon mention: any reformed Klansman. As long as he is a Democrat, the media probably won't bring it up.

Anyone got any other suggestions?

Liza the Chicken

The other night PBS aired a documentary called The Natural History of the Chicken that included a wonderful short story titled "Call Me Chicken" by L. Joseph Tauer. It is the tale of how a small Japanese silky bantam chicken taught Tauer, an pastor, a lesson about ultimate love, compassion, and sacrifice. It is truly one of the best and most inspirational stories that I've heard in a long time. You can watch a re-enactment from the movie via these two video clips (it starts about 3:41 into the first video and continues in the second):





Or you can read the short story here.

What's for Dinner: HP burger with baked beans and corn

This is what I had for dinner Wednesday:



I mixed the ground beef with a quarter of a vidalia onion, crushed garlic, Worcestershire sauce, sea salt, and fresh black pepper and fried it up in the skillet. I then topped it off with bacon, shredded mild cheddar, and HP sauce (there are also some bread 'n butter pickles under the beef). The sides are corn on the cob (duh) and Bush's Baked Beans (original variety).

The patties tasted great, but they I had to cook the hell out of them, as they were a bit too moist. Next time I would probably add less onion or less Worcestershire. I would also go for a milder cheese like American or provolone to let the flavor of the meat, bacon, and HP stand out more.

I give this dinner 4 out of 5 Likely Future British Burger King Burgers.